


Do You Remember Me

by pandorasxbox



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, BAMF Fíli, Drinking, Frerin is an idiot, Frerin needs help, Hurt Kíli, M/M, Oral Sex, Protective Fíli, Recreational Drug Use, Rough Sex, Smut, concerned Fili, no one is related
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-22
Updated: 2014-12-06
Packaged: 2018-02-26 13:55:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 24,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2654474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorasxbox/pseuds/pandorasxbox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fili painfully watches Kili fall back into a stormy, abusive relationship with his controlling ex-boyfriend after he realizes too late he may be falling in love with his friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Good Old Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili runs into an old classmate at a bar his band is playing at and they spend sometime reminiscing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own these Tolkien/Jackson characters, I'm basically using these character names as reference - the guys in the band are younger than we know them in the movie!

Everyone has a story. As they say, don’t judge a book by its cover. Some people are more adventurous and exciting than others. Some are very talented bearing hopes and dreams. Some put on a happy façade to hide their painfully reality. Some are born lucky and some, not so much. Unfortunately, there are those who are destine to destroy the ones they think they love out of insecurity and jealousy. The luckiest of all will be those who find someone special willing to get to know their story beyond the cover.

“That was hella amazing, Kili!” The older guy stood up from behind his drum kit walking around to stand with two others holding their instruments.

“Yeah, that’s what we’ve been looking for! Where’ve you been all our lives?” The three guys laughed out loud, one of them clapped staring at the handsome young musician with the dark hair and eyes. 

"He's not only talented, he's pretty hot too!" The skinny bass player noted. 

"Shut up, Nori! Really?" The rhythm guitarist with the long black hair with white streaks smack the back of his head.

"What? All bands have at least one good looking guy up front and that sure ain't either one of us, just sayin'!" Bifur couldn't argue that, Nori had a point.

Kili looked down at the dark blue guitar in his hands a little embarrassed by the praise, but very happy he smiled. “Thanks guys! That means a lot. I haven’t played in like three years.”

“You’d never know it, dude. You must be a natural!” The older drummer with the big brown eyes adjusted his crazy hat before he asked, “So! Do you want to be our new lead guitarist?”

*************

Funny thing about people’s memories when it comes to remembering others, they always seem to remember things you don’t want to be remembered for. Some people forget you altogether. Some people you wish would forget you and disappear altogether.

Kili had gone all through school with Fili since their elementary days. They were never friends, due to hanging with different cliques. Not that they didn’t like each other, they just never seemed to have anything in common, or so they thought.

By chance one evening, Fili and some friends went to a bar to check out a few local bands playing that evening. There was something familiar about the lead guitar player. About half way through the first set, the guitarist with the long carefree dark hair locked eyes with him and smiled. 

_‘Hmm, maybe I do know him?’_ Fili was trying to remember, until his date pulled his attention away for a moment to give her a quick kiss.

When the band took their break, Fili went to get another drink from the bar. To his surprise, the guitarist stepped up to the bar next to him, and actually knew his name.

“Hey Fili!” The blue-eyed blond looked around then back at the beautiful smile the dark haired musician was sporting. _‘Yes! I do know him…damn! What the hell was his name?’_

“Hey, uhh…uhh…” Fili snapped his fingers a couple times. It came back to him, he knew this guy from high school, but his name had escaped him.

“Kili. We went to school together since like third grade, dude.” He was a little perturbed the blond couldn’t remember his name after all these years, but wasn’t surprised. He never felt he was anything special to remember.

Fili nodded, “Kili!...right...yeah…sooo…” He picked up his drink from the barmaid. “Is this what you’ve been doing with yourself since high school? Wait…didn’t you have a band in high school?”

“You do remember me!” He snorted out a quiet laugh. “Yeah, I was in a band in high school. I quit playing when I started college. I’ve been going to college here for the past three years. I just started playing again with this band about a month ago. I really like these guys. We’re hoping to get a record deal soon.” There was a slight twinkle in his eye at the mention of a record deal.

“Your band’s great and you’re a damn good guitar player! You know, I think I may have seen you play at a party once back in the day, but I don’t remember much from high school now. It's all just a blur.”

“Yeah.” Kili took a drink of his beer. “So what have you been up to since graduation?”

“I left to work at my uncle’s custom auto body shop. I just moved back here because he just recently opened a new shop here for me to run.”

Kili nodded, “That’s cool.” He looked around for his bandmates. They were waving him on. “Hey I gotta get back up there. Maybe I’ll catch up with you later?”

“Sure. Stop by my table when you’re done.”

Just as suggested, Kili joined Fili at his table when he and his band had finished playing and packing up their gear so the next band could take the stage. 

“Kili, this is Lirra. I found this little cutie at the coffee shop I go to every morning near my shop.” He winked at her, then he introduced the rest of the friends at their table. “That’s Ian, Lydia, Dan, and Katie.” They all welcomed him to their table as he took a seat next to Fili.

Lirra put out a hand for Kili to shake, “Nice to meet you!” She made him a little uncomfortable with the look she was giving him.

He quickly shook her hand pulling back with a nod, “Hi. Nice to meet you too.”

“Fili tells me you two went to school together?” 

“Yeah, but we didn’t really know each other.” Kili wasn’t sure how to address their relationship.

The blond jumped in to clarify, “I was in the automotive vocational classes.”

Then the guitarist added, “I was just a loser.”

Fili smirked and shook his head, “You weren’t a loser…you and your friends were just trouble-makers!” He pushed his chair back, “I’m going to get another round, what do you want?”

It had been a long time since he wanted to hang out with anyone besides his bandmates. This was turning out to be a pretty good evening for him. “Care if I do a shot of Jack?” He didn’t want to ask too much knowing shots were way more expensive than a beer.

“You can do as many as you want as long as I can do them with you!” The blond was having more fun with Kili than his date now.

After Fili came back to the table with the drinks for everyone, Kili asked, “You really forgot who I was, didn’t you?” It had been bothering him that Fili could remember his name.

Fili shrugged a shoulder, “Sorry. Seriously nothing personal. I was never good with names.”

“But we…nevermind. Guess I wasn’t much to remember anyway. I remember you always getting into trouble for fighting. You were a fucking hothead!” Kili laughed at the vision of someone he hated having his face bloodied by Fili once.

“Yeah, good times. Sorry I couldn’t remember your name, but...” Fili leaned over to speak between themselves, “I do remember you getting busted with weed more than a few times. Still smoking?”

Kili couldn’t help the sheepish grin that spread across his face. “Some things never change.” He looked around for any of his bandmates until he spotted one of them. “Hold on.”

He met up with a couple of the other band members, and got the keys to their van before returning to the table. “Wanna go with me?” 

At first Fili thought about asking Lirra if she wanted to join them, but decided not to. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. Do you need anything?” he asked her before he left. 

She just pulled him down for a kiss and purring a promise for later, “I need you in my bed _really_ soon.”

“Oh…okay…I’ll make this quick then!” He followed the brunette to a beat up old van in the back parking lot behind the bar.

There wasn’t much room in the back of the van due to all the equipment taking up most of the space, but they managed. Kili reached into a backpack tossed on top of a speaker pulling out a bag choosing one of the larger joints he had rolled earlier.

“I knew you and your friends smoked too.” He lit up the weed and passed it to Fili. “Why didn’t we all like each other?”

Fili exhaled and handed the joint back to Kili, “I don’t remember. You guys were all into your skateboards and BMX bikes. We were into cars and motorcycles. Guess we thought you guys were immature or something…I don’t know.”

“You guys had money, and we didn’t. It took me forever to be able to buy a car and it was a piece.”

Once the joint was gone, they just leaned back against whatever was literally right behind them. “We should hang again sometime.”

“I’d like that. I’d really be okay with doing this again sometime.” Fili felt kind of bad he never got to know Kili better in school now. Kili had a lot of friends, a little wild, but very chill. It was a shame they probably could’ve been good friends all those years, but hey. Now is a good a time as any to start a new friendship.

“I don’t do this all time, just when I need to relax. Can’t go wrong with some video games and a twelve pack though.” Kili laughed. “That’s what I do with most of my free time.”

“Don’t you have a girlfriend?” Fili really didn’t mean to ask that so bluntly.

Kili just shook his head. “Nope. Just me, my guitar, music and my video games. I recently had a disagreement with my roommate and he moved out.”

“Oh. I don’t have a roommate or anything either. Lirra’s not my girlfriend, just someone I met at the coffee shop, thought she was pretty cute. Never know when you’re gonna get lucky and get laid, ya know what mean?” Fili nudged the guitarist with his elbow. “Which reminds me…I need to get back to her so we can make that happen!”


	2. Like You Close to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili gets some good news about his band, and he tries to teach Fili how to play guitar.

Fili and Kili had become pretty much best friends over the past couple months, hanging out as much as possible trying new things each other liked to do from playing pool to going to the firing range just having fun getting to know one another better. One thing Fili loved to do was hangout at Kili's band practice. He genuinely liked the guys in the band and the music they played. 

It was Friday night, and Kili couldn’t wait for Fili to stop by. He had texted him earlier and asked him to pick up some beer and come over right after work because he was so excited to share his news with him. Kili eagerly opened his door to find Fili standing there in his grimy work uniform holding the case of beer. His smile couldn’t have been any hotter with his face all smudged with dusty dirt and that unruly mane of golden curls going every which way.

“Hi! Okay, so what’s so important I had to rush right over here after work?” He went straight to the fridge putting the beer away.

Instantly Kili was rambling on about to burst with excitement, “I wrote a song and we recorded it and our drummer, Bofur sent it to someone we were interested in managing our band and he loved it! He thinks it’s good enough he might be able to get us a record deal!”

Fili couldn’t help but share in his excitement watching him almost literally bouncing off the walls. “That’s awesome Kee! I should have bought champaign instead of beer!”

Without thinking Kili threw his arms around his friend giving him a big hug, then suddenly backing off when he did realize what he did. “Sorry.”

“It’s all good! You're happy, that's great!” The blond just shook his head laughed. “Come on, grab a beer and play that song for me. I love watching you play.”

“Really?” Knowing Fili liked to watch him play was more than a little arousing to him.

“Yeah. Think you could teach me sometime?” Fili pointed toward the guitar sitting on it’s stand in the living room.

“You wanna play guitar? Pfft, sure!” He immediately went to work plugging in the cord from the guitar to the small practice amplifier before placing the instrument in Fili’s hands while they sat on the floor together.

“Now what?” Fili was so cute grinning at him with those sweet dimples all ready to play. Kili was enjoying being so close to him especially wrapping his arms around him to help him hold the guitar correctly and placing his fingers on the fret board just so. _So close, I just want to..._

"Is this right?" Fili broke his lustful thoughts. "Uh, yeah that's good."

After about a half hour of trying to play, Fili stopped and looked at his fingertips. “I think I need to stop now. My fingers feel like they’re about to bleed!”

Kili just laughed at him. “You need to keep playing through the pain to build callouses…see?” He turned his left hand up to show his friend his fingertips.

Fili touched them, feeling how rough and hardened they were. “So that’s the secret.”

The only secret the dark eyed guitarist had at the moment was how much he enjoyed having Fili rubbing his fingers over his own. Oddly enough, Fili found himself holding his fingers a little longer than he probably should have pulling back a bit embarrassed. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Kili said gazing deeply into his blue eyes.


	3. What Did I Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili loses the battle of self-control and Fili has to rethink his own sexuality.

The one thing Kili hadn’t ever told Fili was, he was bisexual though he just got out of a three year relationship with a guy. He was very happy with his new friendship with Fili, and didn’t want to ruin anything by telling him how attracted to him he had become. Not yet at least.

A week after Kili began teaching Fili how to play guitar, they had gone to the local gym to work out. Afterwards while in the locker room, Kili was having a hard time controlling himself watching Fili undress. He was so sexy standing there all muscular, toned and sweaty striping down to head to the showers. Kili had to remind himself to stop staring at him even though he had the biggest cock he'd ever seen, he knew he was making it so obvious he was checking him out. 

“Hey Kee, aren’t you going to take a shower? You don’t smell like roses either, you know.” Fili said as he pulled the band from his ponytail letting his long, blond curls fall around his shoulders. Kili shook his head trying to refocus. 

“Yeah, I will. In a minute.” Breathing out heavily, he needed to think of something besides Fili’s hot body he was lusting for because he couldn’t hide that in the shower. He waited until Fili came out before he went in. “I was texting someone. I’ll just be a minute.”

Holding his towel in front of himself, Kili went into the shower relieved Fili hadn’t seen how hard he was for him. Part of him wanted to approach the subject, to tell him how he felt about him, but he just couldn’t find the right moment. The showers in the gym was definitely _not_ the right place.

Fortunately, a little cold water helped matters until he had to go back out to get dressed standing next to that gorgeous blond. ‘What am I going to do?’ He grabbed his clothes turning his back to Fili and dressed in record speed holding his gym bag in front of himself.

“There! Now…did you still want to go to my place? We could watch a couple of movies, or play some video games, whatever…”

“Video games sounds good. Let’s go pick up a pizza and some beer on the way there. Maybe some Jack too?” Kili agreed, that all sounded great.

After a few hours of gaming, a few slices of pizza, a few shots of whiskey and several beers later, Kili was beginning to lust for the long haired blond all over again. He may have been gaining confidence to tell Fili how he felt about him, but he was losing self-control otherwise.

Fili went into the kitchen and called out to the living room, “Hey Kee, do you want another beer?” He reached into the fridge for another bottle.

Just as he shut the refrigerator door, Kili was standing right there. He cupped the bearded blond’s face and kissed him pressing his soft lips firmly against Fili’s. Fili pushed away completely stunned, “Kili! What are you doing? Why did you do that?”

“I…I…I’m so sorry! I thought…”

“Whoa! Did I do something to make you think I liked you…like that? I mean, I like you, but…not that way. I like girls! You know that.” Fili was upset, but tried not to be hurtful to Kili in any way.

Kili was mortally embarrassed and couldn’t find words to speak.

“I am sorry Kili. I…I think I should go now.” He put the beer back in the fridge, grabbing his jacket on the way out.

Fili sat in his car and leaned his head back on the seat, contemplating what had just happened. _“I think I liked that. Why did the hell did I like that?”_ He slowly ran his hand over his jeans feeling his growing erection pressing against the heavy material. Something had stirred inside him when Kili kissed him. The kiss. Kili’s kiss gave him feelings he never thought he could possibly have for another guy. He had fucked lots of girls, but never once ever thought about a guy this way...until now.


	4. What's Going On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili has a rough night at the bar his band is playing at.

Completely lost in thought tapping a finger on the bar entranced by the tiny bubbles rising in his glass, Fili didn’t hear the man sitting on the next barstool.

“Anybody home?” The man tried again knocking on the wooden bar.

“Oh, hey Dan, sorry. Did you get that part you needed for that ’68 yet?”

“It’s supposed to be here in a couple days…something you wanna talk about? You’ve been pretty quiet this week, not like you.” Dan was one of Fili’s auto body techs and closest friends.

The blond sighed _‘Nothing I want to talk to you about’_ he thought. “No. I’m okay.”

“You want to go watch Kili’s band play at the Green Lantern this weekend?” Just a suggestion hoping to cheer him up.

“Uh, I don’t think so. I may be going to visit my uncle this weekend. I don't know yet.” He wasn’t ready to see or talk to Kili again just yet. It had already been almost a week and neither friend had attempted to contact the other.

Dan finished his beer and stood giving Fili a couple pats on the back before leaving. “Well, I’m gonna head home see what Lydia’s making for dinner. You’re welcome to stop by if you want.”

The blond shook his head, “No, but thanks. It’s been a long day. Think I’m going home and crash on the couch for the night.”

 

The weekend came faster than Kili was ready for. With all his papers done for school and a couple band practices behind him, it was time for the band to play one of their favorite bars that night. Sitting alone in a corner of the stage tuning his guitar, Nori joined him.

“What’s up?”

Kili kept turning the keys tightening and loosening the metal strings. “Nothing, why?”

“You’ve not been yourself this week and Fili never came with you to any practices this week…” Nori didn’t even get to finish that thought before Kili snapped.

“I’ve got a lot on my mind! Fili’s got a life too you know, and he doesn’t have to go everywhere I do.”

“Sorry. Just asking.” The bass player was concerned, but took the reaction as a cue to leave him alone.

With the band’s growing popularity, for once it looked like it was going to be a full house tonight. _‘Great’_ thought Kili. _‘I’m not in the mood to be here at all, and this place is packed.’_ Then the worse thing he could imagined happened. Fili wasn’t there, but his ex-lover, Frerin was. Sitting front and center Frerin’s eyes were fixed and burning holes into him completely unhinging him.

Frerin was the reason Kili had quit playing guitar in his old band years ago. He didn’t like the attention he received from the guys for how talented he was, and the attention from the ladies for how attractive he was.

It was the longest three hours he ever had to endure playing. At one point during the second set, a familiar golden blond sitting alone at the bar close to the front door caught his eye. His heart lightened knowing Fili didn’t hate him. Why else would he be here, but he had disappeared after about a half hour.

Kili spent the rest of the evening avoiding his ex between sets. The few times he went to the bar to get drinks, he had been hit on a couple times by women and at least four times by men. Not that it was unusual for him to have people approach him, but this evening seemed way more than normal. 

Frerin really never tried to talk to him, rather keeping his distance just observing him though he smiled at him a few times to ease his mind. Just when he thought he may get away without an encounter, Frerin tapped him on the shoulder. “Hi.”

Kili put on a fake smile turning toward his ex with the long dark blond hair. “Hey Frerin.”

“Your band’s really good.”

“Thanks.”

“You were amazing as always.” Frerin smiled biting his lip.

An uneasy feeling began to creep over the guitarist, but he was able to maintain the same tone. “Thank you.”

“I see you’re busy trying to get packed up, so I’ll let you go. Good seeing you again.” Frerin just gave a nod and was on his way. Kili exhaled the breath he’d been holding.

“Hey Kili?” Bofur motioned him over. “Good job tonight! Ready for a little break? We don’t have another gig for a couple weeks.”

For the first time this evening Kili was able to relax a bit and smile. “Thanks, you too. Yeah, I’m ready for a break. I need it right now.”

“I’m sorry whatever it is. We’ve all noticed you’ve been a little down lately.” Bofur being a little older than the others was always watching out for him.

“I’ll be okay.” He replied waving the drummer off.

“Okay then. Hey, could you take this stuff out to the van? I got a couple things I need to square away with the owner before we go.”

Kili picked up the few bags Bofur handed him and went out the back door to throw the stuff into the back of the van. When he shut the van door, he turned around with a jerk startled as two guys caught him off-guard standing right behind him.

“Hey pretty boy…wanna have some fun?” One of the two reached out to touch his hair.

“We heard what a little whore you are, how much you like throwing yourself at guys. Thought maybe you’d wanna come play with us, hmm?” The other said also reaching toward him.

Kili started to panic as the two were now standing much too close. “Get the fuck away from me you freaks!” He tried to shove them away, but one of them threw him back against the van.

“What’s going on over there?” A shout came from a welcomed voice. Bofur and his other bandmates had just exited the building to see the little scuffled ensuing. 

The two guys looked back at the three men coming toward them and scurried away. Kili had never been so thankful to see anyone. He bent over panting trying to regain composure.

Bifur put a hand on Kili’s shoulder to steady him. “Are you alright?”

“What was that all about? Who were those guys?” Nori scanned the parking lot making sure the two were gone.

Shaking his head, he was just as confused as they were. “I have no idea.” 

Lying in bed that night, he kept replaying the parking lot incident and what one of the men had said _‘You like throwing yourself at guys.’_


	5. Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili finds Kili at a party and tries to get him to talk to him, but Frerin had got to him first.

Kili hated living alone. He hated being alone. Now that he had been utterly mortified the way Fili reacted to him after he tried to kiss him, he refused to text or speak to him anymore. Especially after the rumors about him being a whore were being spread, and he couldn’t help but think it was Fili that had started those rumors that night at the bar. At least that's what he thought. He still had his bandmates and a few other friends supporting him.

Another boring weekend, Kili thought until one of his friends told him about a party at someone’s house near the college campus. That someone was Kili’s ex-lover, Frerin and his roommates. They were planning a huge party, even handing out flyers inviting anyone and everyone to come. 

Desperate for some fun and feeling the need to go hang out with his friends again, Kili decided to go. Though his recent encounter with Frerin at the bar made him a little uncomfortable, he didn't care. He knew he was still welcome to the party. All would be fine, he thought as he made plans to meet a couple friends there.

Frerin saw Kili standing alone leaning against the wall in the hallway drinking his beer listening to the music, waiting for a couple of his friends to show up. He was a little surprised to see his ex at his party, but very happy about it. The way Kili's soft long raven locks draped around his face had always been Frerin’s weakness, and right now he looked so beautiful he wanted nothing more than to touch him again. To pad his fingers over the stubble gracing his lovely face.

“Hey Kili.” Frerin approached him using the most alluring voice he could muster.

“Frerin.” Kili was cool with his older blond ex, hoping he wasn't going to be a jerk. 

Frerin put a hand on the wall next to him, leaning in close to him his light beard barely touching him as warm breath brushed over his cheek he asked, “Are you alone?”

Kili was on the verge of being really drunk. He barely nodded, dark eyes half lidded looking up into Frerin’s deep blue eyes. “I was waiting on a couple of friends to sh…”

Frerin brought his lips against Kili’s soft and gentle at first. When Kili responded trying to kiss him back he slid his tongue across the seam of his lips searching for entrance claiming his mouth. Shoving his thigh between Kili's legs and pressing his body against him, the younger responded grinding up on him. 

Neither one wanted to break their heated kiss. It was as if no time had passed since the last they’d been together. The more their hard bodies rubbed together and their tongues fought against the other, the hotter and needier it became for them both.

“God I’ve missed you." He breathed heavily. "Think we could take this to my room?” Frerin was more intoxicating than the alcohol.

“I thought…I thought we ended this…” Kili wasn’t thinking clearly when he pulled Frerin against him again tangling his fingers into his long blond hair loving every second of the way Frerin was nipping at his lips and down his neck trying to suck a mark into his skin while running a finger along the ban of his jeans pulling at the button.

Fili caught sight of them from across the room, he wanted to say something. He wanted to stop them, though he and Kili weren't speaking because of how angry he was with him at the moment. He didn't care. He missed his friend and just had to try.

“Kili?” Fili didn’t know Frerin, and he had no idea he was Kili’s ex.

Frerin growled giving the blond a warning look. “What do you want?”

“Kili, I need to talk to you. Just for a minute…please.” Fili suddenly felt protective of Kili. Something wasn’t right here.

Frerin wouldn’t give Kili a chance to say a word. “Fuck off! Come on Kee.” The taller older blond grapsed Kili's arm tight with his strong hand pulling him along.

“Kili, please! Please talk to me! You really want to be with that guy? What about me?” There was something very unnerving about that guy and he really didn't give a shit he sounded so desperate pleading with him.

Turning sharply, Kili shouted at him with obvious hurt and anger. “What about you? What do you care Fili? You like fucking girls and I'm just a whore, remember?!”

Frerin pulled Kili into another passionate kiss to remind him of what they were about to do. His head began to swim with want for him. Between the alcohol and Frerin’s seductive ways, he had seduced the brunette that quickly. “I need you now.” Frerin whispered in his ear.

“Let’s go.” Kili gave one last look at his ex-friend leading his ex-lover up the stairs, which Frerin looked back at Fili with a smirk

“Kili…” Fili’s heart sank. Kili's words stung knowing how angry he was and how much he was into the other blond now, though he didn't know what he meant about him being a whore. He waited too long to talk to Kili. It was too late.

Once Frerin had him alone in his room, he flung his shirt off and shoved Kili down on the bed pulling at his clothes trying to strip him. “Are you fucking that guy?”

“No. No Frerin. He was my friend.” A twinge of sadness bit at him.

“I want you back Kili. I can’t stand the thought of anyone else touching you. You're mine.” Frerin gathered some of Kili's hair into his fist holding it tight against his head while he laid heavily upon him biting and sucking another couple marks into his neck and shoulder.

Even through the fog of alcohol and sexual desire, memories of why he broke up with him in the first place began to resurface.

“I promise Kee, I’ll be good to you this time.”


	6. Déjà vu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's only been a couple weeks since they got back together, but every reason Kili left Frerin for the first time has returned.

After paying for his coffee, Fili turned to leave the small café almost bumping into the next customer walking in. Making slight eye contact, they both immediately looked away.

“Kili.” Followed by “Fili.”

Fili wanted to talk to him though he kept walking, but something didn't look right. “Hey Kili?” 

Kili wouldn’t turn around stepping up to the counter to order, he answered. “What?”

“Look at me.” 

“What for?” He knew what for.

“Look at me.” Fili wasn’t sure what he thought he saw.

Turning just slightly toward him, he asked again “Why?”

Fili walked back over to the counter and gently pulled at his arm trying to turn him to look at him which he did for a split second.

“Did you get into a fight with somebody?” The black eye Kili was trying to hide with his long hair didn’t look good at all.

He moved away a step from Fili facing the cashier to hand him his card and taking his coffee. “No. I got up drunk in the middle of the night and ran into the side of an open door.”

 _‘I never saw a door shaped like a fist before.’_ Was the blond’s first thought. 

Fili wanted so much to ask him to stay and talk to him, but he had to get to his shop to open up. “Kee, I really want to talk you. Could you come to the shop with me?”

Shaking his head still not looking at his ex-friend, he replied, “I got class in a little bit.”

“Could I stop by to see you after I get off work tonight?” Being hopeful he added, “Please?”

Kili gave his finally answer and left the café. “No. I’ll be with Frerin tonight.”

With a sigh Fili watched him go out the door without trying to follow. “Frerin.”

***********

It was a bad idea, and he didn’t think it through before he did it, but Fili texted Kili around 7pm. Kili told him he would be with Frerin, but he didn't think anything of it.

 _‘I really need to talk to you sometime. Could you please at least text me back?’_ Text sent.

When Kili’s text notification went off on his phone, Frerin immediately picked it up off the coffee table to see who it was. “Who the fuck is Fili?” Frerin was obviously not happy seeing another guy’s name he didn’t know show up on Kili’s phone.

Panic set in as he sank deeper into the couch. At least Frerin couldn’t read the message without unlocking his password. He tried to take the phone from him, but he jerked it out of his reach. “Come on Frerin.”

“Who is he? Ex-lover?” Frerin's jealousy instantly peaked.

“No! We used to be friends. I haven’t heard from him in a long time.”

“Open it.” Frerin knew how to put him on the spot, handing the phone back to him.

“It can wait.”

“I said open it.” The blond’s tone was cold and demanding.

Kili swallowed thickly hoping the message wasn’t too revealing of anything, not that they had much to hide. On reading the text quickly, he felt a little relief lying the phone back down on the table.

“Call him.” Frerin ordered.

“Call him? Why?” 

“He’s just a friend and he said he needs to talk to you, then call him. You have nothing to hide, right?” His dark grin was nothing short of threatening.

“No. We haven’t talked this long, whatever it is can wait until tomorrow.” Kili leaned over his brooding lover pulling his face toward him. “Do you want me?” Slowly, languidly kissing him while running his other hand up his thigh trying anything to make his lover forget Fili. 

Frerin grabbed his wrist and stood kicking the coffee table out of the way he grabbed Kili’s other wrist and jerked him onto his knees on the floor. “What do you think you’re doing? Do you think I’m stupid?” 

Panting, afraid to move, Kili yelled back at him “No Frerin!” 

“Get your clothes off.” Trying to keep his rage under control, watching his young lover slowly undress as he had ordered, while he did the same.

Kili sat on his knees on the floor in front of his man. Taking his face into one hand, Frerin looked down at those big watery dark eyes while palming himself with his other hand. “You know I love you Kee. You better not be hiding anything from me.”

Shaking his head, Kili’s pulse began to race. “I think you need a reminder who you belong to, don’t you?” Then he slightly nodded watching his blond pick up a small tube then walking back to him. “Turn around.” Barely getting turned around on all fours, Kili gasped feeling two fingers unceremoniously shoved deep into him. Frerin snatched up a handful of his long hair jerking his head back while roughly shoving his fingers deeper into him. Not giving him much time to adjust, a third finger was working its way in. 

“Frerin...hnngg...” Kili begged. “Please...oh God please stop...Stop! Let go of my hair…p...please, it hurts!"

Frerin let go of the tangled mess of hair gripped in his hand and gave him a push causing him to fall flat. “Turn over…I want you watching me fucking you senseless.” 

Slowly rolling over on the floor, his dark eyes searched Frerin’s blue eyes for a hint of mercy when he cried out in pain as his lover shoved his cock into him without regard to the fact he really wasn’t prepared properly.

Kili put his hands on Frerin’s hips trying to push him back. “Frerin stop! Stop! You're hurting me! I wasn't ready yet!”

Hands whipped over his head being pinned to the floor, the brunette couldn’t move as his man kept thrusting into him disregarding his young lover’s pleas. The more Kili tried to pull away the tighter Frerin’s grip on his wrists became. All he cared about was his own pleasure, and he got some sick satisfaction from watching Kili squirm beneath him.

“Look at me!” Long dark blond hair draped around his face. Kili tried to open his eyes to look up at him, but tears flooding his eyes blurred his vision. Good. He didn’t want to see his smug face.

“Who do you belong to Kili?” Frerin needed to hear his name spilling from the lips of his precious raven haired possession.

Kili choked out his name to shut him up. “You…F…Frerin.”

“Yesss…You are mine Kili. You would never let anyone else touch you, right Kee?” Kili just shook his head feeling Frerin’s movements becoming more erratic, it would be over soon. Feeling the scratch of a beard against his neck, he knew he was being becoming marked property again.

When Frerin was finished, he lightly brushed his fingers over Kili’s throbbing unsated erection before he left the room, he said with a smirk, “You better take care of that.” 

_‘Bastard’_ Kili mumbled to himself rubbing his sore wrist, it was happening all over again.

*********

Crawling into the center of his bed, Kili pulled the blankets up trying to comfort himself. The flashing of his phone on the bedside table made him cringe. Did he dare look to see who was calling? It was most likely Frerin making sure he was home and alone.

Picking up the phone he was relieved to see it wasn’t, it was Fili. “Hey.”

The voice on the other end seemed surprised he answered. “Kili? You never answered my text. Are you still at Frerin’s?”

“I’m home, and by the way don’t ever call me. You never know when I’m with Frerin, and that wouldn’t be good.”

“Why? Can’t you talk to your friends?”

Kili sighed, “What do you want Fili?”

“I need to see you. Can I come over?” Fili wasn't going away so easily.

“No. Not now.” Kili fisted his blanket. “Later this week. Maybe in a couple days.”


	7. Between Love and Hate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After reconciling with Kili, Fili doesn't understand how Kili could still be in love with Frerin.

Following his phone call to Kili, the next few days couldn’t pass by fast enough. Fili couldn’t wait to finally get to see him and talk to him. No matter how angry Kili had been with Fili over the past month or so, he was at least able to be cordial to him when he arrived on his doorstep.

After opening his apartment door seeing Fili standing there, Kili looked away. He left the door open as he walked into his kitchen leaving Fili to follow shutting the door behind him.

Fili took a cleansing breath before he started. “First I need to say, I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what? The way you freaked out on me when I kissed you, or sorry for what you’ve been saying about me?” He was obviously still bitter.

“I swear I have no idea what you’re talking about! I’ve never said anything to anyone about you!” Fili’s clear blue eyes sincerely pleaded with Kili to believe him. “You need to tell me what you think I told people, because I’m in the dark here!” The blond was so frustrated.

For the first time, Kili realized he must have been wrong about Fili being the one to start those rumors about him. “It was about three weeks ago, when we played at the Green Lantern, I saw you there by the front door. You weren’t there very long and after you left, I had a lot of people hitting on me. Then I got attacked in the parking lot. Apparently someone was spreading rumors at the bar I’m whore that night…I assumed it was you.”

“Oh God, Kee! I would _never_ do that! Why would you even think I would do that? You’re my friend! At least...you were.” He said with a sigh. “I was going to visit my uncle that weekend, and on the my way to the airport I realized I had some time to kill, so I stopped by the bar for a beer just to watch you play for a little bit.”

Fili leaned against the kitchen sink staring at him, hoping he could catch his eyes. “Kili…I haven’t stopped thinking about you since I ran out of here that night. I’m sorry I didn’t call or text you after that, but I had to sort things out for myself because…you did something to me. I had to come to terms with how I felt, or at least what I thought I felt before I could talk to you again.”

Kili peeked through the hair partially covering his face to see the man he had wanted for so long standing there pouring his heart to him. “That’s what you wanted to tell me when you found me at Frerin’s party.”

The blond nodded. “The kiss was so quick, and I was so shocked you did it, I wasn’t sure what to think. But I need to know if what I felt was real.” Taking a couple steps closer to his friend, he put a hand on his arm. “I need you to kiss me again, Kee.”

Shaking his head, he brought his dark eyes up to meet those clear blue eyes opening a window to reveal all his emotions. He was hurt, sad, and afraid of what might come of it, with a hint of optimism. “No…if you need to know…then you’ll kiss me.”

Fili ran his hand through his thick mane of curls and stood before Kili. With shaky hands he gently cupped his face bringing their lips together ever so lightly. As their eyes fluttered shut, and their kiss deepened, all other senses became intensified. The scent of each other’s cologne. The taste of their lips. How sensual it felt to have their tongues slowly, languidly snaking together. The sound of each breath with a slight moan of pleasure. It was the most erotic act either one had ever experienced.

They parted staring deeply into each other’s eyes growing dark, knowing without words they had found something special within one another. Breathes came harder, but steady. They moved in sync to embrace moving in for another kiss, when Fili breathed into his partner’s mouth, “I need more…”

Kili wanted more too placing his hands on his partner’s ass pulling him tight against himself wanting to feel Fili’s hard-on pressing against his own. “Don’t stop…” 

“Kee…I…I’ve never felt this way before…ever…I can’t imagine how amazing you’d feel under me.” 

“Wanna find out?” Desire to finally have Fili in his bed, inside him was all he could think about.

Breathing hot and heavy, Fili's answer was quick, “Fuck yes...” 

 

Dim lighting from the other room was just enough for Kili to look upon the gentle smile gracing Fili’s face lying next to him. Fingers lightly brushing over those soft blond curls, he was so beautiful he made him want to cry.

Fili was almost asleep, but stirred awake again with a deep sigh of satisfaction. He reached up to hold Kili’s hand touching his hair, bringing it in front of them. “That was without a doubt the best sex I've ever had in my life, Kee, you are perfection!” He kissed the guitarist’s long fingers one by one.

“I would have to say the same to you! Just like I…” His smile faded lost in thought.

“Hey...Kili? What’s going on with this Frerin guy anyway?” The blond really didn’t want to ruin the evening by asking, but it was a subject that needed to be addressed.

A few tears ran from the corner of his dark eyes, tangling his fingers with Fili’s. “He was my ex. We’d been together for three years…the night of the party, we…got back together.”

"Why did you break up after three years?" Seemed like a logical question, but he didn't get a logical answer. "We were both stressed out and we weren't getting along very well then."

“Uh hmm. Why did he hit you?” Fili wasn’t playing games now, he knew better.

“I told you I ran into a door.” Kili’s denial.

“Bullshit. Did your wrists run into the same door?” He tenderly wrapped his hand around one of Kili’s wrists bringing it to his lips to kiss softly.

“Fili…” More tears dripped across his cheek.

The blond shook his head sadly, “He can’t do this you. It’s not right.”

_‘Frerin. Oh God, if he was to find out about this. If he was to find out about Fili. If he finds out I had sex with him…What the hell was I thinking? Why did I do this with Fili?’_

“Kili?” 

The brunette sat up almost in a state of panic, “You have to go!”

“What’s wrong?”

“If Frerin find you here!” He was about to pass out from anxiety. “I just cheated on him!”

“You’re not going to stay with him, are you? After what he’s done to you?” Fili didn’t know the half of it.

“I’m sorry Fili. We should have never done this…I’m in love with Frerin.”

Unimaginable confusion swept through Fili’s mind. How could Kili not see the obvious? Frerin was abusing him, and Fili was so gentle and kind to him. He would never hurt him like that. How could he not see the difference between love and hate?


	8. So This Is Fili

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili has his first encounter with Frerin.

Playing at another popular bar in town, Kili’s band was just finishing their second set when he caught sight of Fili and his friend, Dan sitting at the bar. Most uncomfortable for him now, with Frerin seated in his usual front and center spot.

As the band closed out the last song of the set, Kili wiped down his guitar and was placing it on its stand when Bifur put a hand on his shoulder. The touch startled him, he turned catching his breath. 

His reaction startled Bifur in turn. “Wow! Somebody’s jumpy!”

“Sorry.” Kili said relieved to see his bandmate.

“Nori said it was your turn to buy the next round.”

“Yeah, sure.” Making his way to the bar, Kili could feel Fili watching him and he knew Frerin would be standing right next to him in a heartbeat.

While he waited for the bartender to make all the drinks for their table, Frerin placed a finger on his chin turning his head toward him and gave him a wet, sloppy kiss making sure everyone in the bar could see them. Mutterings of _'get a room'_ could be heard throughout the crowded room.

Across the bar, Fili shook his head and cringed. Dan looked over at his friend. “That’s disgusting. Poor guy.” Fili had to agree.

“Dan…you’ve been my best friend for years. Can I tell you something…it’s really personal, and I’m not sure how you’re going to take it.”

His friend shrugged his broad shoulders, “Yeah, sure.”

He took a deep breath and looked around to make sure no one else could hear him, only to protect Kili. “You know Kili?” Dan nodded looking over at the guitarist still being slobbered on by his drunk boyfriend. “Yeah?”

Once again he tried edging out the words “We…kind of…uh…I kind of…”

Dan wanted to help him along because whatever his friend was trying to say he could tell was making him uncomfortable. “You what?”

“I fucked him.” There. He said it.

Dan choked on his drink and laughed at first thinking his friend was joking only to become serious when he realized he wasn’t. “You what? Are you kiddin’ me?” Fili just shook his head, while his friend scrunched up his face. “Dude, I know you’re not gay, you’ve fucked every girl you’ve ever dated! What the hell? Were you drunk?”

“No! I really like him…a lot.” Now Dan could see the pain in his friend’s face watching Kili and Frerin together.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it. I just meant, you know. It was a shock to hear you say that. It’s cool. I knew something’s been bothering you for a long time now. I’m your best friend, man, you can talk to me about anything.”

“Thanks. I really needed to hear that from you.” Dan’s friendship was sincerely appreciated.

 

Fili had to use the restroom, and unfortunately had to walk by the table the band was gathered at along with Frerin and Kili to get there. He tried not to be seen or make eye contact keeping his head down, but he didn’t slip by fast enough.

Nori yelled out, “Hey Fili! Come over here! Haven’t seen you in forever!”

Kili felt his body turning to gelatin wanting to ooze right under the table when he felt his lover stiffen sitting next to him with his arm wrapped tight around him. He let out a tiny whimper as Frerin’s strong hand began squeezing, fingers digging into his arm.

Fili still tried not to look at Kili and Frerin, just answering Nori he said, “Hey Nori! Sorry, I really gotta hit the restroom, then I’m leaving with my friend over there.” He nodded toward the door.

Frerin stood up staring him down, “Don’t rush off! Join us… _Fili_ …” he turned his heated stare onto Kili who wasn’t looking at anyone at this point. 

For the first time, Fili glanced briefly at Kili sitting there before Frerin could catch his eyes on his man. “I don’t think so…” He went on his way to the restroom, pretty certain he wasn’t going to be alone in a minute.

Less than minute, he was stood corrected. “Fili…I thought I remembered you…you showed up at my party trying to get my Kili to talk to you.”

“What about it?”

“How do you know him?”

“We're friends. We went to high school together.”

“Really? Hmm. We’ve been together a long time, I don’t ever remember him mentioning you.”

“I wasn’t much to remember.”

Fili tried to leave the restroom, but Frerin blocked the door. “You better stay the fuck away from Kili.”

The golden blond got in the other blond's face, “And what if I don’t? Kili’s a grown man, he can talk to whoever he wants to.” He stepped around him, to open the door, and the older blond slammed it shut leaning his muscular weight on one hand to keep it closed.

Adrenaline was pumping through Fili's body. Feeling his muscles contracting, he was ready to take him out. “You _really_ don’t want to go there.”

On the other side of the door, someone was trying to get in. Frerin still staring at Fili, could feel the push on wooden door. He let go of the door letting the guy inside. “I’m warning you to stay away from Kili. If I find out you’re texting, calling or seeing him in any way, I will kick your fucking ass.”

“If you’re man enough. You have no idea what a crazy mother fucker I am.” Fili hissed in his own cold threatening tone, staring Frerin in the eye before he whipped open the door and left the bar with his friend before any trouble could occur. Kili was just relieved to see both of his men come out of the restroom in one piece.

 

It had been a long day, and Kili really wanted to go home, but Frerin wouldn’t let him. Taking him straight to his room trying not to let any of his roommates hear them, he shoved him inside and quietly shut the door.

“Frerin, please. I really need to sleep.” Kili went to sit on the bed while Frerin lit a cigarette.

“Tell me about Fili. How do you know him?”

“I knew him from high school and while you and I were broke up, we ran into each other and started talking again.”

Frerin continued to stare darkly at him as a smirk began to form, “He seems awful protective of you for someone that’s _just a friend._ ” 

Kili stood up to get his body close to his drunk lover, brushing his long dark blond hair away from his shoulder leaning in to kiss his neck while he worked his hand under Frerin's shirt. “I love you Frerin.” He got him to look into his dark eyes. “We are just friends. Why can’t I have any friends? Why don’t you trust me?”

“I let you play your silly guitar for that stupid band. Ain’t that good enough?” Those words hurt more than if the blond would have punched him in the gut. He never told Frerin about the possibility of the band getting a record deal. That needed to remain a secret for now.

Turning away from his older lover in a huff, he threw himself on the bed. Frerin didn’t like pouty Kili. He hated it when his lover acted that way. He growled, “Stop acting like a spoiled little pussy.”

Kili was so done. He just wanted to go home, and didn’t care if he’d have to walk five miles on this cold night to get there. He got off the bed and went for the door, only to have Frerin throw him back onto the bed. The blond reached into a drawer and came back with zip ties fastening his struggling lover to the slats of the headboard.

“You’re not going anywhere.” Frerin lit another cigarette watching the glowing red embers burn.


	9. Fili Really Didn't Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili reveals to Fili why he was sad he didn't remember him.

The knocking on the door wouldn’t stop. Kili sat on the floor in the middle of his living room holding his guitar with his eyes closed hoping whoever it was would just go away. He took a hit off his joint, then picked up his phone to make sure he didn’t miss any of Frerin’s texts or calls, but thankfully there were none.

“Kili?” He heard a gentle familiar voice that made him smile, and rush to open the door.

Before Fili could say anything, he was being squeezed in a bear hug by his adorable friend. It was so good to see Kili smiling again, though he could smell a possible reason why he was smiling. 

“Fili!” He shouted with a laugh.

The blond laughed looking at his bloodshot eyes and shook his golden curls. “Got anymore?”

They ended up lying on the living room floor listening to music, staring at the ceiling talking about nothing. Peaceful Kili thought. This moment couldn’t have been more perfect. 

His phone started vibrating, but he wouldn’t answer it or even look at it. Fili picked it up for him, “Take it, it’s Bofur.”

Though he gave himself a head-rush, Kili shot sitting up, putting a hand on Fili’s arm. Fili could tell by the conversation and his actions, he just got some great news so he started to sit up too.

“Okay, I’ll see then!” He put the phone down and tackled Fili back onto the floor in another happy hug. “We got the recording contract!!” Fili wrapped his arms around him squeezing him back for a moment before they sat up. 

“That’s awesome Kee! Wow! That’s huge!” 

“I know! I know! This is all I’ve ever wanted! I can’t believe it’s actually happening!” He rubbed his face of happy tears, then pulled up the long sleeves of his t-shirt.

“I’m happy for you! I’m excited for you guys!” Fili’s eyes kept being drawn to the underside of Kili’s forearms. “So how’s this all going to work? Do you have to go somewhere?” 

As Kili took a drink from his water bottle, Fili got a better look at one of his arm. At first he thought maybe he had gotten another tattoo of sorts, but soon realized it wasn’t.

“Uhmm, Bofur said we’re supposed to meet with our manager and sometime next week, they want us to fly out to Los Angeles!” He was elated, and Fili didn’t want to bring him down by asking about his arms intentionally, so he grabbed his animated hands and held them in his own for a minute.

“Have you ever been to LA?” Kili shook his head. “No, but I’ve always wanted to go there!” Without the excited brunette realizing what Fili was doing, he had turned his arms up so he could get a better look a the sore red blistering marks.

“My uncle lives in LA. That’s where I used to live before I came back here. Maybe…I could go with you guys?” 

Kili’s excitement had died down quite a bit, and he started to pull his hands away then quickly pulled his sleeves down as if he just realized he was exposing his secret.

“I don’t know. We’re probably going to be really busy, and…” he began to fidget with his phone.

Fili finished his sentence for him, “Frerin will most likely be going with you…right?”

Eventually their eyes met. “Yeah.”

Fili ran his fingers through his hair holding his head leaning on his elbows trying to find the words to start the conversation. “Did that piece of shit burn you with a cigarette?” Okay so he wasn’t good at not being blunt when he had something important to ask or say.

Kili’s mood changed rapidly, pulling his arms closer to his body. “What are you talking about?”

The blond bit his lip, “You know exactly what I’m talking about. Why? Why would he do that to you? What possible reason could anyone have for doing such a horrible thing to someone they supposedly love?”

By watching his dark eyes become a little weepy, he wasn’t sure if he’d hit a nerve or over-stepped his boundaries. “I only want to help you, Kee. I care about you. Forgive me if I don’t understand why you put up with him.”

“I love him.” Kili said hanging his head letting his hair drape around his face to hide his shame.

Fili still didn’t get it. “Come here.” He scooted across the floor to be able to wrap his arms around him. “You’re too good of person to live like this. How bad is it…really? I want you to tell me the truth.”

For the first time ever, Kili’s emotions exploded in tears holding onto Fili as if his life depended on it. “I don’t know why! He tells me he loves me, but…” the tears kept flowing.

His blond friend held onto him tighter than before. He wanted him to know he wouldn’t let go. Then he kissed him on the head. Kili calmed just enough to look up at him, before he placed a hand on Fili’s bearded face and kissed him. 

“Kili…” He tried not to let the raw emotions take advantage of this situation, but it wasn’t working. The brunette kept giving him sweet kisses. “Kee…we can’t do this.” Sad dark eyes pierced his heart. “Kili, as long as you’re with Frerin, we can’t do this. I’m not saying I don’t want it, because believe me, I do, but you’re hurting yourself confusing your feelings between the two of us.”

Kili backed away for a moment, then caught Fili off-guard kissing him harder, more aggressively than before. “I want you Fili.”

As hard as it was, the blond tried to hold his face to stop him, but gave in to those pleaded eyes. “I…I’m sorry Kee…We can’t…I can’t…oh fuck…I love you Kili.” They were a mess riding an emotion rollercoaster.

Disconnecting Kili sat up moving away a little. “I need to tell you something. It’s been bothering me since I first ran into you at the bar that first night.” Fili gave him an inquisitive look.

“Do you remember Megan Smith?” Fili nodded waiting for his friend to continue. “She was my girlfriend. You said you remembered seeing me play guitar with my band at a party back in high school. That party was at Megan’s house. Do you remember anything about that party?” 

Not sure where this was going, he shook his head, “Not really. I went to a lot of parties.”

“You were completely wasted, and your friends had been handing you beers all night. You literally stood right in front of me for hours watching me play my guitar until we were done.”

“I do remember you were a great guitarist, not sure I remember that night in particular…” He tried to remember the night the brunette was talking about.

“I had gone into the house to use the bathroom. Never crossed my mind to lock the door cause I never did at her house…yeah. You came in on me. Next thing I knew you had me against the wall kissing and touching me.” Kili nervously took another drink of his water before continuing, while Fili sat there wide eyed waiting for the rest of the story.

“You pulled me into Megan’s brother’s room and we…you…Fili… _you_ took my virginity.” He swallowed hard waiting for the blond’s reaction. Fili just stared at him in disbelief, though he couldn’t find a reason why Kili would lie about such a thing.

“Even though I’d had a lot of girlfriends before that, I don’t know, I was young and there was something about you that made me fall instantly in love with you. The next time I saw you, you acted like you didn’t have a clue who I was and we never spoke again. I didn’t know if you had used me or if you really didn’t know what we did because you were so out of it that night.” Still looking down, his shaky hands picked up his phone to keep his fingers busy. “I never told anyone. I went all through school hoping someday you’d remember me, or at least notice me. I was so happy to see you watching me play again at the bar that night. It was the first time I’d seen you since high school and still hoped you’d remember me.”

Fili was still having a hard time with this new revelation of his past, but he felt the need to ease Kili’s mind. “I’m having a hard time believing this, but I’m not saying it didn’t happen. I really don't remember. I’m so sorry Kee. I don’t even know how to say how sorry I am.”

“I’ve never stopped thinking about you since that night. You’re all I ever wanted.” Those sincere dark eyes torn at Fili’s heart. “I had sex with a lot of my girlfriends after that, but never wanted another man until I met Frerin the second year I was at college. He reminded me of you.”

“Tell me about Frerin. I can’t believe he’s always been a jerk to you. Something's wrong with him. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I honestly don’t understand how you can love him so much to put up with the stupid shit he’s done to you. He needs help.”

“Everything was great in the beginning. He was rather possessive of me, but not like he is now. I couldn’t believe he didn’t remember your name…that’s what actually started his jealousy…about six months into our relationship, while we were having sex…he heard me say your name.” He peeked up at those blue eyes still in a daze.

“I don’t want you to think I’m saying this because I want you to myself, but you need to get away from him. He’s going to really hurt you someday if you don’t.” Kili had to admit, he was afraid to let Frerin know about him going to LA with the band for the recording session.

Fili pulled out his phone to make a phone call to his uncle. “I’ve got a plan."


	10. Everything Will Be Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili's taking care Kili.

Within an hour Fili had helped Kili and his bandmates make arrangements to stay at his Uncle Dwalin’s home while in Los Angeles for their recording session.

“I can’t believe we’re really doing this! I can’t thank you enough for arranging for all of us to stay at your uncle’s house. You’re sure he doesn’t mind?”

“Believe me, if he didn’t want to do something he wouldn’t. He’ll love you guys. Besides I know how expensive hotels can be, this should help all of you out some. Plus, Uncle’s happy I’ll be there because he’s going to put me to work while you guys are off having fun at the studio.”

“While you were arranging all that, Bofur said our manager was able to get our flights set for Sunday evening. I’m hoping I can get away from Frerin on time without having to tell him anything.”

“You promised me you would’t tell him anything…Kee?” Kili rolled his eyes looking away. “You promised. That’s why I’m helping you. You need a place to stay while you’re out there where he can’t find you.” 

It was time for Fili to go. He cleaned up any glasses, bottles and cleaned ashtrays for his host. He sighed hoping Kili wouldn’t dare tell Frerin anything about the recording contract or the trip to LA. Going for the door, Kili stopped him with a hug.

“I promise I won’t say anything. Thanks again for your help.”

“No problem. You take care. I’m not going to the bar this weekend and I won’t text you. I want you to be as safe as possible. You can text me whenever you want or need to though, okay?”

Kili nodded as Fili started out the door. “Yeah, I will…Fee?” The blond turned to see what he wanted just to have him throw his arms around him, giving him another tighter hug. “I love you.”

This wasn’t expected, but welcomed. He didn’t want to complicate things. “I’ll always be here for you if you need me.” Fili gave him a tight squeeze back and was on his way. “See you Sunday.”

Saturday night at the Green Lantern, the band was just about to finish up their last set of the evening when Nori made an announcement to their audience.

“Before we wrap things up tonight, we just wanted to thank all of you for being so supportive of us coming out to watch us wherever we are. It means a lot to us, and because of all your support even you guys taking us to the social media, we’ve been able to secure a record deal and we’re leaving tomorrow for Los Angeles!” The crowd cheered, making some noise for them as they started the first of three songs to close out the night.

Kili almost fainted right there on the spot. He tried to concentrate on the music, playing almost like he was programmed, not really into it now. His mind raced trying to think how he was going to avoid Frerin sitting there in front of him boiling with the knowledge Kili knew about this and didn’t say anything to him about it.

Bofur even shook his head knowing Kili’s predicament. Nori just got caught up in the excitement of the moment and forgot, but at what cost now. The band had always stayed out of his business, but the drummer knew they were all going to have to help defend Kili against Frerin now.

In between the next song, Bofur stopped the guys from jumping right into the next song so he could grab his phone and call Fili. “You need to get down here to the Green Lantern now! Frerin found out about LA! Don’t come in, stay in your car ready to go. Somehow we’ll get Kili out of here, just get here now!” The drummer quickly turned back to his drum kit showing he was taking a long drink from a water bottle. “Sorry ‘bout that! Let’s do this!” Bifur took the nod to start up the next song.

 _‘One more to go. What am I going to do?’_ Kili was so panicked. While playing his solo, he turned toward Bofur who gave him a nod and a smile trying to ease his mind. Wasn’t really working because he didn’t know what the drummer had done for him yet.

As the last song came to an end, Bofur made a motion with his head to call Kili to him. Nori thanked the crowd again while everyone cheered them on. Bofur immediately told Kili, “Get to the restroom and lock the door! Call Fili!” Kili threw his guitar to Bofur and took off. Jumping off the stage he began pushing through the people in his way to get inside the restroom to call Fili as Bofur told him to do.

“Kili? Are you alright?” Fili was relieved a little just to hear from his friend.

“Oh my God Fili! I can’t believe Nori did that! I don’t know what to do! Frerin’s going to be so pissed off!”

“Don’t panic, Kee. I’m in the parking lot. Bofur called me. Where are you?”

“I’m in the restroom.”

“Can you climb through the window? I'm right outside there.”

“Kili! I’m going to kick your ass if you don’t open this door!” Kili could hear Frerin trying to kick the door in, and he knew it wouldn’t be long before he did because it was a cheap little lock. He quickly climbed onto the sink and pushed open the window. It was going to be tight, but even if he fell the damage done wouldn’t be near what Frerin would do to him if he got ahold of him.

With a thud to the ground, the guitarist gathered himself up and ran to jump into Fili's waiting car. Frerin had busted in the door just as Kili was running through the parking lot. He got a glimpse of the car driving away from the bar with a trail of dust flying up from the gravel parking lot.

Frerin was seething. “This isn’t over…”

Once the car was far down the road, Fili put a reassuring hand on Kili’s thigh. “It’ll be okay. I’m taking you to let you grab a few things, then you’ll go with me to my place. Frerin doesn’t know where I live, you’ll be safe. Just make it quick, ok? I don’t want to take a chance of him showing up here.” With quick nod of agreement, Kili continued to pant from his narrow escape from the bar.

On their way to Fili’s house, Kili got about fifteen texted from Frerin with various degrees of threats and emotional pleas ranging from _‘I love you’, ‘Come back and talk to me’_ to _‘I’m going to kill you’_.

Walking into his house, Fili warned his friend, “Don’t you dare delete any of those texts. You may need to use that against him some day.”

Helping Kili with a few of his bags, Fili sat them in the living room before following him upstairs to bed. At first they were quietly lying there in the dark. It was really late and Kili was spent. He admitted out loud, “Fee…I can’t take much more of this.”

“What are you saying then?”

The brunette sat up and grabbed his phone and began a text to Frerin. “I’m done. I’m so done. He can’t control me like this anymore. I can’t live like this anymore. If he doesn’t kill me, the stress will.” His finger hovered over the send button.

Fili didn’t know what to say when Kili’s eyes looked to him for confirmation. “Everything’s going to be okay.” With those words, the text was sent.

“I feel like such a pussy for not standing up to him, letting him abuse me like he did.” Lying back down on the bed, Fili reached over him. “He’s a lot bigger and stronger than you.”

“Yeah, I know. I was afraid to fight back, and he knew it…I won’t be anymore.” Kili looked up at Fili smiling proudly at him. “I think you’re stronger than you think you are.”

The brunette reached up to tangle his fingers into those golden curls hanging loosely around Fili’s face. “Is it okay if…” Fili lowered his lips to Kili’s. “Yes.” Kili excepted the kiss, but rolled him over working his hands over the blond's hard chest. Slowly he began nipping and sucking little kisses down Fili's cut abs while working to release his growing erection from his boxers. Fili sucked in air as the brunette's lips wrapped around his leaking cock, beginning to take it into his mouth deeper. "Stop Kee".

Kili stopped and looked at his partner with concern, "Did I do something wrong?"

"Absolutely not, you're perfect. Too perfect, I don't want to cum yet. I want to take care of you first." Trading positions, Fili rolled his partner onto his back and repeated the same motions on him he had just received. It had been a long time since Kili had been pleasured in this manner. He was always forced into giving, not receiving.

Considering Fili had never done this before, he knew what it felt like to have it done to himself, so he knew what to do and he did it just fine as far as Kili was concerned. Kili's eyes rolled back as his blond worked his cock deeper into his mouth, moaning sending shivers through his body. His tongue snaked around from the base to the tip again and again slowly before Kili began moving with him faster. Holding his head in place by those curls he bucked faster and deeper as Fili took his full length. "Oh Fee...oh fuck...it's..." The brunette groaned wanting to give him warning, but he release came so fast he couldn't stop in time.

"I'm so sorry Fee!" The blond manned up and swallowed, before laughing about it. "It's okay! Anything for you, but I'll get even." he said while smoothing his hand over Kili's long raven locks.

Kili snuggled in next to Fili who held him lovingly tucked under his chin. "I can't wait to leave here tomorrow. I wish I could stay out there in LA...with you. I love you Fili."

"I'd like that too. I love you Kili."


	11. This Isn't Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dwalin welcomes the band to his home, and gets to know more about Kili. Something happens to let Fili and Kili know, Frerin's pissed and he's not going away quietly.

“Stop being so fidgety!” Fili took Kili’s hand into his own keeping him from biting his nails at the same time he bumped his leg to stop it from bouncing up and down while the taxi drove them to their destination.

“Sorry. Can’t help it. I’m just nervous. I’ve never been so far from home before.” Fili could see and feel Kili’s nervousness. He was so sweet, so innocent. The thought of how Frerin took advantage of that shook him to the core.

“Have you called your uncle to let him know what’s going on yet?” Kili never spoke much of his uncle, but knew he was his only family he had left since his parents died in a car accident during his junior year of high school. Though his uncle lived in London with his new wife, he paid for Kili’s college and did what he could to help him out.

He shook his head. “No. I haven’t talked to him since Frerin and I…” Fili could feel him start to stiffen. “Uncle Thorin hated him. He never even met him.”

“With good reason. Your uncle is perceptive and a good judge of character.” The blond lightly gave his hand a squeeze as he tried to give the guitarist some encouragement though he had gone very quiet. “It’s okay. You’re far away from Frerin now. Once we get settled at my uncle’s place, why don’t you give your uncle a call, hmm? I bet he’d be very happy to hear from you and what you’re doing.” 

Arriving at Fili’s Uncle Dwalin’s home, he greeted everyone ushering them inside to show them around and where they’d be staying. He was a large man with a bushy beard, multiple ear piercings and bald tattooed head. As intimidating as he appeared, he was welcoming and kind to all of his nephew’s friends. He was a giving, gentle soul, but don't piss him off, and no one knew that better than Fili. Fili’s father had died in the military just after he was born, so he never knew his father. He had been raised by his mother, Dwalin’s sister. His mother had become ill while he was in high school, and he tended to her every need until she passed away just after he graduated. That is when Dwalin had him come to live and work with him in LA. He was kind and tough on him, seeing to it he would make a man out of his nephew through love and hard work.

During a quiet moment after dinner, Dwalin sat outside with Fili and Kili learning about their situation. His heart went out to the young guitarist, but he knew he would be in the good hands of his nephew now. Fili had been through so much watching his mother’s demise, he had to grow up fast. Strong, confident and wise he had become through it all. 

Unlike Kili, the sudden loss of both of his parents devastated him. He already suffered from his own insecurities though he had a lot of friends and was fun and outgoing, he hid his personal self-doubt from them. Smoking weed was his way to relax and playing guitar was his way of escaping this world. He could go anywhere in his mind when he let his soul take control of the guitar. Pouring his heart into his music, it could speak in song what he couldn’t find words to say.

Fili went to the room he and Kili were going to be sharing to find him sitting on the bed playing his blue electric guitar without an amp.

“Still sounds good even without an amp.” Fili smiled as Kili looked up to see him standing there. “I always loved watching you play.” The blond walked toward the bed. “I can feel the intensity you put into every note, the way you caress the neck of the guitar, it becomes very…sensual.” 

Kili watched Fili moving closer to him, and he admitted. “I play my best when you’re watching me. I always have.” The blond sat on the bed in front of him. “I wrote something for you…I want to play it for you.” He got up to put the electric guitar away and pull out his acoustic. Though he wasn’t a singer, his guitar would forever sing for him. After he played the song he'd written for him, he could tell how deeply moved he was by the look in those clear blue eyes.

“That was…beautiful. You wrote that for me?” Kili looked down and nodded. “I can’t tell you what that means to me. It reminds me of a song my mother used to sing to me when I was very young.” Fili was sincerely moved by it.

“If I get a chance, I want to record it. I don’t necessarily want it to go on any of the band’s albums, but I want it recorded for you.” Nothing could have meant more to him. This was something very personal between the two of them. Kili’s music is what drew him to him, as Fili was Kili’s muse.

*************

“Have a great time at the studio guys!” Dwalin and Fili waved to the guys pulling out of the driveway. “Well, you ready to get to work?” He slapped Fili on the back. “As ready as I can be I guess.”

It was around 8:00 in the evening when everyone was back at Dwalin’s sitting around the pool after dinner, when Fili received an urgent phone call from his friend, Dan.

“Fili! You have to come home! The shop! The shop!” Dan was frantic.

“Dan! Slow down! What’s going on?”

“The shop is burning! They’ve called in two other districts, with all the paint and chemicals, they can’t get it under control!”

“Is everyone alright?”

“Yeah, we were all gone for the night, but I remembered I forgot to put one of the cars I wanted to move inside, and when I got there, flames were shooting out the roof!”

Just as Fili was trying to tell Dwalin what was going on with his shop, Kili was receiving a call from his apartment manager. “Someone broke into my apartment…” 

Fili looked at Dwalin. “I don’t think this is a coincidence.” 

Dwalin was pissed. “Now it’s personal. That’s my shop!” He stood up rubbing his face in his hands. “Fili, you stay here with the guys. I’m going to fly there to take care of things.”

Bofur put an arm around Kili when he saw him hiding his face in his hands. “This is all my fault.”

“No it’s not. We don’t know for sure if any of this was Frerin.” The drummer rubbed his back to calm him.

“I know it is.”

“At least you’re safe here.” Fili went to kneel in front of his friend.

“I’m never going to be able to go home! He’s going to keep harassing me and everyone I know! You guys know you’re next!” They all looked at each other not knowing what to say because they knew Kili was right.


	12. Miss Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Filler chapter to segue into the next.

The guys were on a tight schedule at the recording studio, so they had to leave before Fili had to get up for work. Kili moved about the room quietly not to wake his friend. Before he left the room, he sat on the bed watching the golden blond sleep so peacefully. He gently touched his hair and gave him a light kiss as he whispered "I need you Fee."

Awhile after Kili had gone, Fili rolled over waking to an empty bed, and ran a hand over the space Kili would have been if he was home. _‘I need you too Kee. I need to figure out a way for you to stay out here with me.’_ Forcing himself up, he got dressed and went on to Dwalin’s shop to work.

Dwalin called the shop to let Fili know, the extent of damage to his other shop. It was completely destroyed. The fire marshal was checking into the cause as they spoke.

“Uncle, I’m so sorry. I feel like this is all my fault.” Fili did feel responsible. After all, if Frerin did this, he never would have done it if it hadn’t been for Fili getting involved with Kili.

The gruff voice on the other end set his nephew straight. “Listen here son, this is in no way your fault! And…it is not Kili’s fault either! We’ll find out the cause and if it’s what you say, then we’ll have a lead for the investigators, understand? No matter what, it’s neither fault of yours.”

**********

Bifur caught Kili off in a corner of the studio playing his acoustic guitar. “I haven’t heard you play that before. Did you just write that?”

“Sort of. I actually wrote it a few weeks ago.” 

“It’s really good, might be a good edition to our album?” The rhythm guitarist seemed hopeful.

Kili shook his head, “No, I don’t want to share this one. It’s personal.”

Bifur smiled with a quick nod. “Alright then.”

“Hey Bifur…do you think they would let me record it? I mean, I know it’s not for the album or anything, but…”

“Yeah. We got a couple more days and we're almost done recording now. I think if you talk to Mike about it, he would arrange something for you.” And of course their manager, Mike had no problem with it. He really liked the song and hoped maybe someday Kili would change his mind and let them use it on a future album.

With the recording in hand, Kili tucked it away in one of his bags hiding it amongst other things. He had intentions of surprising Fili with it for his birthday. They would be home in time to celebrate his twenty-third birthday. Home. _‘I don’t want to go home.’_

Lying in bed that night, Fili wrapped around Kili holding him safe. “Did you ever call your uncle?”

“Yeah. He said he was proud of me.” A tear fell from the corner of his eye. “Fili…I…I’m scard.”

“Of what?”

“I don’t want to go home.” Fili held him closer knowing. “Frerin will still be there. I tried to talk Uncle into letting me transfer to a college out here, but he told me I needed to stand up to Frerin and be a man.” 

“Have you ever told him everything he’s done to you?”

“No…he already thinks I’m weak.” He said shrinking inside at the thought.

“Kee, he obviously doesn’t understand because you never told him everything. I’m sure if you told him everything he might reconsider you letting go to school out here.” Sadly Fili felt he had done all he could do.

 

The next day, feeling comfortable in his new surroundings, Kili decided after their photo shoot to check out a guitar shop down the street from the recording studio. He was having so much fun checking out all the latest makes and models. Before he knew it, it was time to go when he realized how late it was getting and he was very hungry.

Leaving the store he decided to stop at a sub shop nearby when his text alert went off.

_‘Hey Kee! Bring us something back for lunch – anything we’re starved!”_

He laughed and put the phone back in his pocket just for it to go off again. “Come on guys.”

Pulling it back out, he read the text that made him stop dead in his tracks.

_‘Hey Baby – Miss me? I’m watching you. I sure like that blue shirt and black jeans you’re wearing.’_

“You gotta be kiddin’ me…” Kili was petrified. “He’s here.”


	13. I Loved You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not looking good for Kili.

Kili quickly made his way inside the deli. He thought he was doing the right thing when he called a cab to take him to Dwalin’s house. He didn’t want to go back to the studio possibly pulling the other guys into anything, and he was afraid to get Fili more involved. This was his fight. All he wanted to do was go back to Dwalin’s to get his stuff and he was going to fly home without anyone knowing what he was doing.

Running up the stairs, all the brunette could think of was how much trouble he had caused all of his friends, Fili, and Dwalin. He wasn’t worth all the trouble. Frerin was his problem, and he needed to deal with him himself.

Throwing the last of his clothes in a bag, he turned around to see his worst nightmare standing in the bedroom door way as the door was slammed shut and locked behind him. 

“Frerin! I…” The shock of seeing Frerin standing was terrifying, Kili began backing away.

“Why didn’t you tell me about his little trip to LA Kili?” The tall blond ran a hand across his beard as he walked slowly toward Kili. “Where did you go when jumped out the window at the bar, hmm? Did you take off with your lover? I went looking for you and couldn’t find you.”

Kili was trapped, but he kept looking for a way to escape as Frerin continued toward him like he was stalking prey. “Then you try to break up with me through a text? What the fuck is that? You don’t have the balls to break up with me face to face? Doesn’t matter. You can’t leave me. I own you!”

Frerin was about five feet away from him, when Kili tried to jump on the bed to run for the door, but the blond moved swiftly enough to grab him before he could make it that far. Kili tried to swing a punch at him, but it was dodged.

“Frerin! Stop! What’s wrong with you?!” was all the brunette could say before he was thrown hard slamming against a dresser falling to the floor, only to be jerked up by his hair sitting on the floor in front of his assailant.

“Why did you lie to me? All this time you didn’t _love_ me! You were cheating on me with _that, that_ guy!” 

“No Frerin!” Kili tried to stand, but was slapped across the face so hard he fell back down to the floor.

“Liar! You’ve been fucking around with Fili all this time you been telling me how much you love me!” The blond was becoming delirious with anger as he began to kick his ex that was trying desperately to crawl away from him seeking a way to keep from being hurt further from the kicking. He tried to crawl under the bed, but Frerin grabbed his leg and pulled him out. 

Kili tried to kick him and roll away, but Frerin was too fast. The tall muscular blond tackled him and sat on him holding his arms down tight. The fear in Kili’s eyes pleaded with him trying to find some mercy in those dark blue eyes filled with jealousy and anger. 

“Frerin please…” Frerin’s hateful stare terrified him, even more so when the blond said, “Please what? Don’t kill him?” 

“What? What do you mean? You can’t…”

“Go on, beg for your lover’s life…I want to see you hurting the way you’ve hurt me so many times…” In one quick movement, Frerin’s strong large hand was wrapped tightly around Kili neck. As the brunette’s instincts kicked in, he immediately reached with both hands to pull at the arm and hand choking him trying to breathe.

Frerin’s free hand grabbed one of Kili’s hands and began twisting his fingers. “I can see to it you never play that precious guitar of yours anymore either.” The pain in his fingers hurt worse than being slowly asphyxiated. He stopped trying to keep from being choked to save his other hand from having all his fingers broken. His world was turning dark. Then he was punched repeatedly and the last words he heard were, “Fili’s dead.”

Frerin’s rage finally subsided enough for him to stop hurting the limp body of his ex-lover. Leaning over Kili on all fours breathing heavily from his exhausting rage, he stared at the bloody mess he’d made of the one he loved so much.

Sitting on the floor, he pulled Kili’s body up into his arms holding him tight he began to sob. Stroking his long raven hair soaked in blood. “Oh God Kili! I didn’t mean to…I loved you so much!” He sat there for a long time tears flowing as he rocked Kili in his arms like a child, until the voices in his head began to pull him back into darkness, blaming only one. _‘This is all Fili’s fault…’_ Wiping his face, Frerin gave a kiss to Kili’s bloody lips, then gently laid his lifeless body back down on the floor leaving him for dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, looks like Frerin's riding the crazy train!


	14. He Will Pay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili gets to be with Kili at the hospital.

“Where’s Kili at? I’m starving!” Bifur whined rubbing his empty belly.

“We texted him like almost an hour ago and a couple times since then.” Bofur checked his phone again to make sure he hadn’t received any messages from him. “He should’ve been back by now even if he didn’t get our texts.”

“Maybe he met up with Fili for lunch…” Nori said, then they all looked at each other and laughed. “I’ll try texting Fili.”

When Fili received Nori’s text, he wasn’t concerned. Kili was notorious for being late, and knowing he was going to a guitar store he could easily lose track of time in there, but to ease his mind he tried to text him and also got no response.

 

It was 3pm and Dwalin was exhausted. He had had very little sleep over the past twenty-four plus hours and just got home from the airport. All he wanted to do was take a long hot shower and go to bed. Those plans were instantly crushed when he began to notice a trail of blood droplets through the hallway leading up the stairs to the guest bedroom of Fili and Kili.

Right when Fili and another worker was lifting a hood onto a car they were working on, his phone began ringing. It was Dwalin, he knew by the ringtone. “Can we sit this down for a minute, I really need to take this.” After the two put the hood on a couple sawhorses, Fili answered the call.

Fili was shaking with fear for Kili, but was able to drive himself to the hospital meeting up with Dwalin in ICU. The three band members and their manager arrived not long after Fili. 

“Uncle!” He ran to Dwalin who steadied his trembling nephew.

“Fili, it’s not good. He was barely breathing when I found him, and they lost him once on the way here.” Fili tried to move around Dwalin to go to Kili’s room, but a large arm caught him when he saw the doctor coming. “Dr. Vu, this is Kili’s partner, Fili.” 

Dr. Vu shook the blond’s hand. “Fili. He’s unconscious, but I would encourage you to talk to him. We’ve seen in some patients this could have some effect in their healing process. Not always, but never give up hope.” The doctor walked Fili to the door. “No more than fifteen minutes for now please. We can extend your visit time in the future.” 

Looking through the glass window of the door to Kili’s room, he could already see him lying there all hooked up to many monitor wires, IVs and tubes. As he entered the room, the nurse in his room smiled kindly. “I’ll get you a seat.” she said bringing over a chair for her patient’s guest. “My name is, Anna if you need anything. I’ll be right over there to give you a little privacy.”

“Thank you.” Fili graciously took the chair and kindness from the nurse. Sitting beside Kili so bruised and broken, he wanted to hold him and comfort him, but obviously couldn’t. He placed a hand on one small spot on Kili’s arm he could touch that wasn’t hurt or wired up. He was afraid to touch him at all, but needed to have some contact with his skin. 

“Kili? I don’t know if you can hear me or not, but I want you to know I’m here with you. They won’t let me stay long, but I promise I’ll be back as often as I can to sit with you.” He looked to his partner for any sort of reaction, but there was none. “I love you Kee. You need to get better so we can be together like we were meant to be.” The blond rubbed little circles on the patch of skin he was able to touch. Then he noticed how Kili’s fingers were bandaged. _‘That worthless piece of shit!’_ “I’m not waiting for Frerin to come looking for me. I’m going after him… Don’t worry Kee, he will pay for what’s he’s done.”


	15. For You Kili

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili and Frerin fight it out.

Fili sat alone by the pool, making a very difficult long distance phone call. First having to explain to Kili’s Uncle Thorin who he was, then telling him why his nephew was in the hospital in Los Angeles, and of course he elaborated in detail what he knew of Kili’s abusive relationship with Frerin.

“And that Sir, is why Kili asked you if he could transfer colleges. He wanted to get away from Frerin, but obviously we know now he would’ve still found him one way of another regardless.”

Thorin made immediate plans to fly from London to Los Angeles to be by his only nephew’s side.

Dwalin took a seat next to Fili by the pool. “I brought him here thinking he would be safer here than a hotel. Maybe if he was at a hotel someone would’ve heard and called for help before…”

Dwalin put a hand on his nephew’s leg. “Stop. All the ‘what ifs’ in the world isn’t going to change what happened. You need to think of the future. Be positive and just be there for Kili as he recovers.”

Fili got up heading for the house. “I’m going to go work at the shop.”

“You don’t need to do anything there that can’t wait until tomorrow.”

“I need to do something. I can’t sit here thinking about everything, it’s driving me crazy.”

Fili wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t literally going to look for Frerin, he had no idea where he was or where to look for him. He was going to draw him out, set him up. Since Frerin now knew where Kili was staying, he must have put together Fili was staying there too. As unstable as Frerin was right now, he was still obviously intelligent enough to track Kili down in one of the largest cities in the country, and follow him to where he was staying. Maybe he was watching the house right now, waiting for the chance to follow Fili somewhere.

That’s what he was counting on when he left the house to go to Dwalin’s shop. He parked right out front of the building and opened one of the main garage doors turning on a few of the lights toward the front of the building leaving those in the back dark.

Like a cat waiting for a mouse to appear, he patiently watched the time. He just knew eventually his trap would work. As the hours ticked away, Fili began to doubt his plan was going to work, and he was beginning to get sleepy. _‘Maybe you’re not as smart as I thought you were Frerin.’_ He thought to himself as he began putting away a few tools.

With his back turned, he heard the shuffle of a couple footsteps by the garage door. _‘Yes!’_ From where he stood behind a few cars and the lift, he could see Frerin standing there looking around, though he couldn’t see him.

Frerin began to walk toward the office door thinking he might find his victim in there, but Fili ducked down and quietly moved across the floor behind the cars getting closer to him. Once he got as close as he wanted to be, he stood up wanting to be seen.

“Thought I smelled shit in here.” Fili taunted. 

Without a word Frerin charged at the younger blond. They were both very muscular and strong, but Frerin had no idea the impact a punch from Fili’s smaller frame was going to have until he went flying back as he ran into Fili’s fist. 

“You’re dead now, you little…” Before Frerin could barely take a few steps toward Fili, had punched him two more times, once in the gut and then an uppercut to the jaw knocking him to the ground again.

“Shut up! You may have been able to abuse Kili like this, but you ain’t got a chance against me you dumbass! If you think you’re man enough then get up and fight me!” Fili wouldn’t fight someone lying hurt on the ground, but he had no problem taking them down as they tried to get up. Just as Frerin was trying to get up again, Fili charged him with a couple more fists to the face and a kick to gut.

“This is all your fault Fili!” Frerin lay there trying to wipe some blood from his face planning his attack.

“I don’t see how any of this is my fault! I’m not the one that almost killed Kili!” Fili began walking backwards never taking his eyes off Frerin.

The look on Frerin’s face changed completely hearing what Fili said. “Kili’s alive?”

“Barely no thanks to you, you dumbfuck! Wait, did you _try_ to kill him?” Fili watched as Frerin pushed off the floor and ran at him full speed tackling him to the ground.

“No, but I am going to kill you!” Frerin thought he had a hold of the smaller blond as they wrestled on the floor until Fili being strong pushed him away. He rolled to get to his feet, but Frerin grabbed his leg trying to pull him back down. “You stole my Kili! I loved him! Now I’m gonna kill you!”

“God Frerin! You don’t own him! What’s wrong with you? You almost killed someone you thought you loved cause you were jealous, that’s fucked up!” The taller blond had succeeded in jerking Fili onto the concrete floor and jumped on him throwing three good punches to his face. Going for a fourth, Fili blocked his fist with his hand and bucked him up then pushing him off rolling away on the ground.

Frerin saw a wrench lying on the floor next to him and swiftly grabbed it swinging it toward Fili’s head, but he had moved just in time as the wrench clanged against the concrete, but the older blond swung again this time hitting his mark.

Fili saw stars and his vision grew dark. He just laid there for a moment anticipating another blow he was ready to block, but it never came. He played dead for a moment to see what Frerin would do next. Blood was running from his head wound and his head was pounding with searing pain, but he never moved hoping Frerin would just go away.

Fili barely opened one eye when he heard the shuffled of someone moving away from him. The first thing he saw was a chain he had used earlier that day lying not far away. When he felt it safe, he peeked to see where Frerin was.

The older blond was almost to the opening of the garage door when he heard the sound of a chain, but he didn't have time to react. The chain snapped around his legs and jerked him to the ground. He couldn’t move being bound by the chain as Fili approached him holding the other end of the chain. “You piece of shit! You really were trying to kill me too, weren’t you?” 

Frerin worked fast to get the chain off knowing Fili wasn’t going to hold back if he got ahold of him now. Just as he untangled himself from the chain and stood up, Fili lunged at him and began wailing punch after punch. “That’s for my uncle’s shop!”

The older blond tried to swing at Fili who was losing his balance due to the spinning and pain in his head. The first punch was dodged, just as Fili brought around a punch of his own hard enough to knock him to the ground again. “This is for Kili!” With a swift kick to the face, Frerin saw black.

Fili sat in his chair at Kili's beside rubbing the small patch of skin on his arm as he had before. "Hey Kee...you can wake up now. Your nightmare is over..."


	16. Why Am I Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili wakes up.

Kili’s uncle Thorin had finally arrived in Los Angeles a few days after receiving the tragic news from Fili of his attack. Living so far away, he hadn’t seen his nephew since his high school graduation almost five years ago. Fili had filled him in on all the details of what had happened, and even after the doctor gave Thorin all the medical details, he was not prepared for what he saw entering the hospital room.

Dwalin had offered to have Thorin stay at his home while he was in town. There was no telling how long his stay would be here. He accepted graciously. The band members and their manager had extended their stay only a few extra days, but they had to return home to their jobs and continue on with their lives. The future of the band didn’t seem as important to them now. Getting Kili well again was most important, and they would check in with Fili daily to see how he was progressing.

Week after week passed by, and finally it happened. Nurse Anna called for the doctor. Dr. Vu bent over Kili looking at his eyes lids trying to open, he spoke quietly to him. “Kili? Kili? Can you hear me?” The doctor took his undamaged hand into his own. “If you can hear me, move your fingers, squeeze my hand, anything.”

With the slightest of movement, a couple of Kili’s fingers twitched once. Dr. Vu smiled at Anna. “This is good. Very good indeed. Please call his uncle.”

Within another week, Kili had improved rapidly. Thorin was sitting by his side when those big dark eyes flew open as if he just woke up. Kili jerked forward with a gasp.

Thorin wrapped an arm around him to calm him, and looked for Anna who called the doctor and ran to his other side. “Kili, it’s alright.”

Kili was shaking, but wide eyed he looked at Thorin with a terrified stare. “Uh, uh…un…uncle?” 

Thorin smiled wide as tears of joy ran down his cheeks, and nodded. “Kili! So good to have you back!” He couldn’t help but place a tender kiss on his nephews head. 

Still shaking, Kili looked around his hospital room, at Anna then back at Thorin. With a voice hoarse and cracking, he asked, “Wh...why...Why am I here? Where’s Mom?”

Thorin immediately looked at Anna. Anna didn’t know the significance. “I think you should rest some more while I speak with this nice lady here, okay?” He helped Kili lie back in his bed, as the doctor came in to begin checking him over. 

Kili looked at Dr. Vu and asked, “Why am I here? Where’s my mom? Is my dad here?” The doctor looked to Thorin for help.

Thorin called the doctor aside to explain to them, Kili’s mother and father had died six years ago. The doctor assured him this was normal, and it was okay to tell him the truth but not just yet.

Dr. Vu began asking his patient some questions to see what he did remember. “Kili, do you know how old you are?”

“16.”

“Do you know who this it?” The doctor pointed to Thorin.

“My uncle…Thorin.”

“Where do you live?”

Kili looked to Thorin as if he wanted him to answer for him, but said “Greenwood. 411 Oak St.”

Dr. Vu’s eyes went to Thorin to see if that answer was true, but Thorin shook his head “No.”

“Are you in college?”

With a little chuckle Kili said, “Of course not, I’m still in high school.” He began to shift around in his bed. “Why are you asking me all these questions? I need to sleep, I’m getting tired.”

Thorin went back to Kili’s side and stroked his hair, “It’s okay, lie back down and get some sleep. I’ll be here when you wake.”

After Kili went to sleep, Thorin called Fili and asked him to come to the hospital in a couple hours to give Kili time to sleep.

Of course Fili was excited to hear Kili was awake and talking again, he couldn't wait to see him. Dwalin took his nephew to the hospital after a couple hours of watching him pace the floors staring at the clock.

Thorin had stepped away only for a moment to get something from the cafeteria, when Fili arrived and went straight to Kili’s bedside.

In his quiet gentle tone, Fili tried to stir his friend awake. “Hey Kee...it’s me, Fee.”

Slowly Kili opened his sleepy eyes, trying to focus on the long curly haired blond standing next to his bed. Instinctively, he sort of pulled back holding his blanket.

“It’s alright, Kee. How are you feeling?” He softly laid a hand on his leg.

For some reason, his brow began to furrow as he asked, “Do I know you?” 

Fili smiled unknowing, “Of course you do, it’s me, Fili.”

The brunette shook his head, “I don’t know you. I don’t anyone named, Fili. Please don't touch me.” Fili immediately removed his hand.

Anna noticed from watching Kili’s monitors something was wrong. She walked over to the bed. “Is there a problem, Kili?”

His scared doe eyes looked to his nurse for help. “I don’t know him. I’m scared.”

She knew better, knowing Fili had been here faithfully since the day he was admitted two, sometimes three times a day, but she knew what Fili didn’t about her patient’s condition. “Fili, I think you should wait out in the hall a minute please.”

“Kee? You really don't remember me?” The nurse made a face and nodded toward the door, and Fili obeyed.

As he walked into the hallway, he saw Thorin speaking with Dwalin. They could tell by the sad face Fili wore, it was true. Kili couldn’t remember recent events, only memories of long ago before his parents died. 

“Is this permanent?” The blond questioned Thorin, who was told they didn’t know for sure. 

With a tear in his eye, Fili went to the window of Kili’s room watching his friend lie there. “Kee…please...you have to remember me…I need you...”


	17. In Due Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili tries to help Kili remember his guitar and band.

Days passed by, and slowly Kili began to remember parts of his life. Thorin had to help him relive the death of his parents over and over, but he finally remembered that tragic night. They were really gone. It was a slow process, but his injuries had healed and it was time for him to leave the hospital.

Thorin sighed, patience wasn’t one of his strengthens. “Kili, Fili is your friend. Dwalin is his uncle. We are staying at their house. Please.”

The brunette shook his head. “I don’t know them! I want to go home!” 

It was a battle he was going to lose.

He sat in the great room on a chair across the room from Fili sitting on the couch. Kili’s stare was making the blond very uncomfortable. Not knowing what he was thinking at any given moment was unnerving. Even if he asked a question the response was an empty stare most of the time. 

Then out of nowhere he spoke. “Aidan.”

Fili tipped his head, and countered. “Dean.”

Kili: “Tyler.”

Fili: “Justin.”

Kili: “Cody.”

Fili: “Matt.”

“Fili.” Kili’s stare turned to a glare.

Leaning forward, Fili asked hoping this time would be different, “Do you remember me?”

“I do. You and you’re friends are a bunch of jerks!” Kili stormed out of the room to sit alone in his guest room.

Fili put his hands over his face. “Why did I have to be such a jackass in high school?” He wasn’t going to let him go this time. They’ve had this conversation before. The doctors said it was a matter of time, but Kili’s memory would return.

Little by little, memories from his past were progressing toward the future. As with this recent outburst, he had remembered names of people from high school, including Fili. Unfortunately though, the Fili he remembered was the one he didn’t like so much at this given place in time.

Fili went to his guest bedroom and sat on the bed. Some of Kili’s bags and things were moved into Fili’s new room after the room they had shared together was declared a crime scene and had been thoroughly documented. 

The blond saw the two guitar cases in the corner of his room. Maybe this was the link. He opened one of the cases. _‘You've played guitar since seventh grade, how could you forget?’_

Kili watched Fili through the long hair hanging over his face. Fili lifted the blue electric guitar and turned it in the position Kili would hold it when he played. “Take it.” Kili’s brow furrowed. “Go on, take it. Don’t you remember you play guitar? This is your guitar.”

He took the guitar cradling it in his lap, and wrapped his fingers around the neck. Fili asked again, “Do you remember this guitar?” The confused brunette shut his eyes and nodded. “Can you play something?” He shook his head. “It’s alright. You remember your guitar, that’s good enough for now.” 

Kili’s fingers pressed the strings down onto the fret board making a chord. “The strings hurt.”

Fili smiled. “You haven’t played in a long time. You need to build callouses again so the strings won’t hurt.” 

The guitarist pulled the pick from the strings it was tucked into, and strummed once to play the chord he held, then tried to change to a new chord with some difficulty. “Why are my fingers so stiff? Why can’t I play?” 

With a sad sigh, Fili couldn’t tell him why though he knew. “It’s okay, Kee. It’s been awhile, you’ll be as great as you were before in no time.”

“Before what?” His dark eyes questioned what the blond meant by ‘before’.

“Before your accident.” 

“Was I in the same accident as Mom and Dad? Is that why I was in the hospital for so long?”

“No.” Fili didn’t want to have this conversation, and tried to change it quickly. “Do you remember playing at your girlfriend Megan’s party?”

Kili smiled at the thought of her. “Megan. She’s pretty. Long black hair. Blue eyes.”

“Do you remember her party? The one she had…just the other day…” Fili tried to get into Kili’s mindset.

As if snapped out of daze, he shook his head. “No…yes…you were there…”

This was either going to be good or very bad for Fili. He held his breath waiting for the worst, until Kili added, “You watched me play guitar the whole time we played…why did you do that?”

With a sigh of relief, he was satisfied with the answer. “I thought you were an amazing guitarist. I still think you’re amazing. I can’t wait to watch you play again.”

“I love my guitar. After Mom and Dad died, music was the only way I could work through the pain. Playing guitar is how I express the way I feel. I wish I could play right now, but it hurts. The strings hurt and my fingers are stiff.”

“Do you remember Bofur? Nori? Bifur?” In his usual style, Fili had to throw it out there. “They are your bandmates.”

Kili scrunched up his face. “No they’re not. Dean, Justin and Matt are in my band.”

Fili pulled out his phone and found a picture of Kili playing with his current band. “No Kee. You’re almost twenty-three. You’ve been playing with these three for quite a while now and you just got finished recording your band’s first album.” He held the phone out for him to see himself standing on the stage playing guitar at the Green Lantern with his bandmates. “I know you think we’re still in high school and you think I’m a jerk, but we're not in high school anymore and we’re friends now.” 

“How? I don’t understand.” The troubled look on the brunette’s face tore at Fili’s heart. “You will eventually…and I’ll be here for you when you do.”


	18. The Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili tries to help Kili remember they were in love.

Passing by one another in the kitchen, Kili wouldn’t make eye contact with Fili. Kili went out of his way to avoid Fili, and pretty much refused to ever look him in the eye. It was an impulsive move, Fili would regret. He had enough of Kili ignoring and avoiding him. Grabbing Kili by the arm to turn him toward himself was a huge mistake.

The new Kili was not going to let any one touch him in even the slightest rough manner ever again, though he didn’t realize how subconsciously significant this was. Instinctively as he was being turned, he slapped Fili across the face and jerked his arm away from the blond’s hold.

“Don’t ever touch me like that again!” If Fili wasn’t so upset with himself of the foolish move on his part, he would have been very proud of Kili. Yes, he was _very_ proud of Kili.

“Kili, wait!” He ran after the brunette heading for his bedroom because he knew if the door shut, he would be locked out for the rest of the day.

Being able to keep him from slamming the door in his face again, Fili pleaded forgiveness. With narrowed eyes, Kili let him in to sit on his bed again to replay memories long past again. Good thing was, even though it was a slow process, Kili was being to remember bits and pieces of his more adult life.

Memories of his uncle Thorin all proud and teary-eyes at his graduation, snippets of his early days of college taking business and music courses with his new friends, and the best so far, he somehow managed to remember Bofur. 

Fili handed Kili his acoustic guitar since his fingers were working better and the strings didn’t hurt anymore. At first the guitarist shook his head, “I can’t play that.”

“Sure you can. This is your guitar too.” Kili took the guitar and began to play a bit awkwardly at first, but eventually he smiled. “I like this one.”

The blond sat on the bed in front of him holding the guitar. “You wrote a song on this guitar for me just before your accident. Do you think you might remember anything about that song?”

“Why would I write _you_ a song? That’s kind of weird, don’t you think?” Such a ridiculous thing to say. 

It did sound a little odd now that he thought about it from Kili’s point of view, but he pressed on. “It was a beautiful song. It meant so much to me. I wish I could hear it again sometime.” 

“I still don’t know why I would write you a song.” Fili considered it for a moment, and in his usual blunt style he told him the truth. 

“You wrote that song for me because you…you were in love with me.” For the first time in days, Kili’s dark eyes locked on those blue eyes searching for something, _anything_. 

Kili calmly got off the bed and leaned the guitar against the wall, while Fili flipped through the pictures on his phone trying to find a photo of the two of them together. “Kili, why else would I be trying so desperately to help you remember your life? Why else would you be in my uncle’s house thousands of miles from your home? I love you Kee.” He held his phone out for Kili to look at the photos he found. One was taken the day they arrived in Los Angeles in the cab on their way to Dwalin’s house. The photo was them kissing. There were three more. One them leaning heads together smiling, one of Fili kissing Kili, and one of Kili kissing Fili. 

Kili stared at the last photo and said quietly, “I loved you.” 

For once Fili saw a flicker of hope. “Yes. I loved you too…I mean…I still love you.”

A strange feeling came over Kili. He handed the phone back to Fili and put a hand to his head pressing like he had a bad headache. “Love… _love…pain…so much pain..._ ” 

Fili inhaled deeply and feared the worst. “Kili? Are you okay?”

Kili began to breathe in short heavy breaths as if he was about to have an anxiety attack. “You need to go.” 

“I’m afraid to leave you like this…” Fili got off the bed moving toward the door so not to seem threatening in any way.

“Just go. Please.” Kili reached for the bed to lay down as the blond left his room. 

Fili laid on his bed staring at the ceiling. _'Was it too much? Did I push him too far? What was I thinking?'_ He sighed throwing an arm over his eyes.

Kili laid on his bed trying to remember Fili. Trying to remember how much they were in love. Something had clicked inside him like a switch. The desire to find his memories had been fueled. After he got some rest, Kili began looking at all his belongs which wasn't very much. While rummaging through his bags of clothes he found his keys, his wallet, and a cd. 

He snickered, _'Who carries around cd's anymore? What's this doing in my bag?'_ Pulling out the cd to investigate, he saw his own handwriting on the case. _"Fili's Song"_


	19. I Do Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili remembers how much he loves Fili.

Kili listened to the song he found a few times over and over. Picking up his guitar he began to play along with it. Though he knew how to read music, he played better when he played by ear. Shutting his eyes, the chord changes flowed liked he had known this song all his life.

As the vibration of sound pulsed threw the hollow body of the instrument against his body, the guitarist _felt_ the song he played. With eyes still shut, visions of Fili standing before him while he played began to materialize. The way the golden blond would watch him play so intently would make him play with such emotion as if he were playing only for him. The music stopped as Kili opened his eyes. Fili was standing in the doorway of the bedroom watching with a sweet grin. 

“Fili...I remember!” Overwhelming emotions filled every fiber of his being as he began to cry to release the feelings that had been suppressed for so long now. Through the tears he said, “I remember…I love you so much…how could I forget? I’m so sorry…”

Seeing Kili’s emotions flowing in the form of tears caused him to feel overwhelmed as well as he broke down and cried too. Finally, the moment he prayed for had arrived. He helped Kili lay aside the guitar and held him tight. Right now he didn’t care if Kili ever remembered anything else he had forgotten as long as he had his love back was all the mattered. They could move forward from this moment.

It was a joyous occasion worthy of celebration. Thorin and Dwalin took the young men out for dinner to a rather expensive upscale restaurant. Everything about their dining experience couldn’t have been better. From the valet parking, the attentive waiter, the wonderful food and of course the best of company enjoying this dinner together. However, this wonderful evening was about to come crashing down for Kili.

Across the room, a young female stood from her chair and shouted at her husband or boyfriend. The room silenced as everyone heard the commotion turning to see what was going on. Embarrassed by her outburst, the man calmly tried to ask her to sit. Most of the customers tried to ignore them going on with their dinner.

Kili watched intently as the woman threw a glass of wine at the man and began to storm away. By the way the man swayed standing there, he was obviously drunk. He lost his temper and roughly grabbed the young woman's arm and slapped her twice very hard as he shouted some obscenity at her shaking her. The restaurant manager and a couple gentleman customers seated nearby came to her rescue stopping the situation before it got out of hand removing the couple from the restaurant.

Fili put a gentle hand on Kili’s hand. “Are you alright?” He could feel him trembling. 

Kili’s brow had furrowed, “Why did he have to be so rough with her? He's much stronger than her, he could really hurt her! Maybe they could've talked over their problems.” The other three men looked at each other. “I wanted to go over there and knock him out myself for treating her that way!” He hissed with fire in his eyes.

“It’s okay Kili. They’re gone now. The manager took careful of them.” Thorin said reassuring his nephew.

“But it won’t stop him from hurting her again…” 

After they returned home from their late evening dinner, Kili went to his room to lie on his bed. Fili watched the bedroom door close. He felt the need to be with Kili knowing how disturbed he was from the scene they had witnessed at the restaurant, but with a cleansing sigh he retired to his own bed.

Hours later, Fili was stirred awake as he felt his blankets move followed by weight on the mattress next to him. He didn’t know how to respond, so he decided to do nothing to see what Kili would do next. At first, Kili just laid there as if adjusting to the idea of even being in the same bed as Fili. Before he knew it, the touch of warm skin was pressed against his back and an arm reached around to secure him in place as Kili curled around him. A sense of peace fell over the blond having Kili hold him again so lovingly for the first time in ages. 

Fili hummed out loud and smiled. “So good Kee. I love when you hold me this way.” It wasn’t often Kili took the lead, and Fili didn’t care. He had the one he loved back, and was going to let him be in charge of their relationship. It’s what Kili needed. He needed to be in control of his life and what happens to him from now on.


	20. Where They Need To Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili remembers Bifur and Nori as Thorin skirts around letting him remember his apartment, and Fili and Kili have sex again for the first time in months.

“What is it?” Kili questioned what Thorin was handing him.

“It’s a copy of the CD you and the band recorded. Your manager, Mike sent it.” Thorin smiled hoping his nephew would begin to remember more about his bandmates. They were still on stand-by waiting for Kili to be well enough to play with them again.

“I don’t remember recording anything.” Kili replied sadly, looking over the CDs artwork and photography carefully. From the photos, he could see one of the guitarist was definitely himself, but all memories of recording or doing any photo shoots were non-existent.

“I’m sure you’ll remember the songs when you hear them again.” He smiled reassuringly. “You remember Bofur. Do you remember Bifur and Nori yet?” Thorin watched the look on the brunette’s face studying a group photo. 

Kili scrunched his eyes shut tight for a moment. “They all could sing except for me…Nori was the lead singer, even though Bofur was a better singer…Nori was hyper and a lot of fun.” The corners of his lips began to turn into smile thinking of them. Remembering each of them in his own way, as he described them. “Bifur was kind of crazy, but he was so good to me. Always making sure I was okay. They were all like the big brothers I never had.”

Thorin sighed with a sense of relief. _‘This is good!’_ “Do you think you’re ready to see them again? I know they certainly miss you, and can’t wait to see you again.”

“Not yet.” Kili was quick to answer as his eyes flew open. It was as if he were intentionally trying to hold back on coming to terms with certain memories. 

His uncle placed a hand on his shoulder giving it a friendly squeeze. “It’s okay. Whenever you’re ready, they said they would fly back out here to see you.”

As Thorin started to leave the room, Kili asked, “Am I ever going to go home?”

“I believe you are home now. Do you remember where you lived before you came to LA?” His uncle treaded the subject of Kili’s apartment lightly. It was the apartment he once shared with Frerin. The most recent events that took place concerning his apartment was it had been broken into.

Kili thought for a moment about his own question. “This is Fili’s uncle Dwalin’s house. Do you still live in London with _that_ …with your _wife?”_

If Thorin wasn’t trying so hard to be serious, he would have laughed. Of all things to remember, Kili certainly must have remembered how much he disliked his uncle’s wife. “Yes, I still live in London with my wife, Mae. She has been running my business for me while I’ve been staying here with you.”

“I had a home in Greenwood, didn’t I? After you left with Mae for London, I got an apartment near my college…” Kili’s gaze turned distant. 

Thorin wanted to pull him back, so he changed the subject quickly. “Kee, it’s almost time for Fili and Dwalin to get home from work. Why don’t we start dinner, hmm?” 

Even though Kili remembered how much he loved Fili, a part of him must have remembered how new their relationship was. From the moment Fili would get home from work, Kili would follow him around like his shadow.

“Fili? Can I…” Kili’s eyes drifted away when Fili responded.

“Can you what?” The blond could hear the slight hesitation in his voice.

Kili shook his head, “Nothing.”

“Kili? There is nothing you cannot ask me. Can you what?” Fili’s blue eyes beckoned him to look at him.

Brushing a few strands of his wild raven hair from his face, he asked “Can I kiss you?”

 _‘Is that all? Pshh yeah!’_ Fili’s patience had paid off. “Of course you can.” His dimples made the brunette smile.

Kili stepped forward feeling like an awkward thirteen year old about to have his first kiss. Fili relaxed becoming more serious watching how nervously sweet Kili looked. Slowly wrapping a hand behind Fili’s neck and the other around Fili’s waist, Kili leaned in as Fili mirrored his hold. Barely brushing his lips across Fili’s, Kili kissed him sweetly a little firmer each time, but kept it very innocent. 

“That was nice, Kee.” Fili leaned their foreheads together. “Are you okay?” 

Kili nodded then opened his dark eyes, smiling rather shyly. “Can we go to bed now?” 

It was late as the two crawled into Fili’s bed. They both curled up facing one another. Fili had learned how to read Kili, and he knew he was holding back something. He turned on a dim light next to the bed. “Is there something bothering you?” 

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot the past couple of days.” Kili took a breath as he reached over to move a couple curls caught in the blond’s beard. “Have we ever…had sex?”

Fili took Kili’s hand from his hair and held it against his chest. As the brunette felt the beating of his heart against his hand, his own heart began to beat faster. “Yes.” 

The intensity in those dark eyes told him all he needed to know. Fili wouldn’t elaborate further because whatever happened next needed to be up to Kili, and if he read him right, it wouldn’t be long before he made his move. “Don’t rush anything, Kee. I’ll be ready whenever you are.”

 _‘Is he doing what I think he’s doing?’_ It had only been an hour or so since the two had fallen asleep, when Fili woke up lying on his back feeling the bed shaking slightly. He turned his head just enough to confirm he was correct about what he thought Kili was doing. 

“Want some help with that?” he offered with a smile in his tone. The light brush of Fili’s warm hand over his own made him catch his breath.

“Touch me, Fili…” Kili shifted his hand so his was on top of Fili’s now. His gasps for air came more readily now as the blond began working the length of his hardened shaft thumbing over the head every now and then to hear the brunette moan with pleasure.

Kili abandoned Fili’s hand leaving him in control of his cock so he could smooth his hand over Fili’s hard chest. His dark eyes dropped to the blond’s semi-parted lips. Slowly he began to tangle his long fingers in the mess of long curls bringing the blond’s lips to his own. He didn’t need to beg for entrance as Fili’s tongue was snaking across the brunette’s soft lips sliding into his mouth before he had a chance to claim his mouth first.

With the need to catch his breath, Kili tilted his head back tempting Fili to run his hot, moist tongue up his long neck sucking and nipping gently while he continued palming his leaking erection. “Fili…Fili…I…I love you…I want you inside me… _please_ …” Kili begged through labored breaths as his fingers slid under the band of Fili’s briefs lowering them enough to release his throbbing cock.

Fili was losing the battle to ignore his lascivious thoughts as he rolled Kili onto his back leaning over him as he rocked into Kili’s fist. He didn’t want to become overly zealous with Kili as his desire to take him intensified. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”

“Fuck yes! More than anything…please…I want you now!” Still holding those soft curls in one hand, Kili pulled the blond down to lips again. Releasing his hold on his hair, he slid his hand over Fili’s shoulder, tracing fingers down his chest, wrapping around his back to grasp his ass firmly.

The blond readily stopped fisting Kili to reach for the lube on one of the night stands. Ever so gently he worked him open, stretching him slowly though it was a challenge to keep Kili’s neediness in check. “Kee, don’t be in a rush. I want you too, but I don’t want to hurt you.” 

Once he had Kili stretched properly, Fili lowered himself between his legs pushing in gently before thrusting slowly making sure he was adjusted comfortably. Before he knew it, Kili was bucking up trying to take in more of his length. “Deeper Fili, harder…fuck me harder!” 

Following Kili’s orders, Fili pounded his ass faster and harder. As lust took hold of him, he was losing control feeling his own orgasm about to take hold. “Are you close Kili?" Hearing Fili whispering in his ear sent a shiver through his body. "Come on Kee... _come for me_ …” Those last words sent him over the edge spilling his warm seed between their bodies.

Fili’s release came soon after hearing the guttural sounds Kili was making with his orgasm. The blond's body jerked erratically unloading every last drop of his seed inside him. He slumped his weight onto the brunette, brushing his fingers through his long raven locks feeling more satisfied than ever when Kili wrapped his arms around him. “I love you Kili.”

Kili kissed his blond’s sweaty brow. “I love you Fili.”

They were right where they needed to be.


	21. I Remember Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili remembers Frerin.

Dwalin came home from work early around lunchtime with intentions of having some leftover pizza before anyone else got to it. Just before he got to the entrance of the great room on his way to the kitchen, he heard music playing on the stereo and a familiar electric guitar.

Not to interrupt, he peeked from the hallway to see Kili playing along with the songs from his band’s CD he once forgotten. At first he smiled at the guitarist, knowing how far he had come. Then he noticed the look on his face as the song was coming to an end. Curiously he watched how Kili's expression changed from being seriously into the solo he was playing, to only what he could describe as he was having a full-blown anxiety attack breathing heavily as he stopped playing instantly staring straight ahead at nothing as the music continued to play in the background.

Dwalin passed the great room entrance quickly to look for Thorin finding him in the kitchen having his pizza for lunch. With a sigh over the loss of his intended lunch, he approached Thorin speaking in a hushed tone. “Something’s happening to Kili. I think he’s remembering something, and it doesn’t look good.”

Before they could get back to the great room, he was gone. “Where did he get off to so fast?” Dwalin looked around the room finding the blue guitar lying on the ground.

“Kili!” Thorin ran up the open staircase when he could see from the foyer the door to the guest bedroom he had been attacked in was open. Dwalin raced up the stairs behind him.

Right after the investigations over the attack had been completed, Dwalin had the carpet replaced and hired a professional to redecorate the room. At first, Kili looked around the room assessing it. It didn’t look familiar, but he could feel something. He knew there was a reason he was drawn to this room. 

Kili couldn’t hear his uncle trying to get his attention. Standing in the middle of the moderately sized bedroom near the foot of the bed, he shut his eyes. Sounds of the band playing at a bar was all he could hear. Then visions of standing on the stage at their favorite bar, the Green Lantern began to form. There was Nori singing while playing his bass. Bifur joined Kili in a dueling guitar war. Bofur’s crazy hat bobbed up and down has he played his drum solo with a huge smile looking at Kili.

Then he scanned the descent sized bar of its customers. Some of them were loyal followers that showed up every weekend to watch and support the band. Some of them looked familiar. Then there was one in particular he zeroed in on as a shiver ran up his spine. _‘I know him’_

For a moment in time, Kili was literally standing on the stage staring into the dark blue eyes of the fairly large, muscular man with a neatly trimmed beard and long dark blond hair sitting at the table right in front of him. He swallowed hard before saying loud enough for Thorin and Dwalin to hear, “Frerin.”

The two men looked at each other anticipating what he would do next. With clarity every memory Kili had of Frerin flooded his mind like watching a movie set on fast forward. From where he stood, he dropped to the floor running his hand over the carpet. 

“Frerin tried to kill me…right here…” 

“Kili? You remember?” Thorin's deep voice spoke softly.

His dark eyes opened wide now as the truth of his past with Frerin that had eluded him since that fateful day was fresh in his mind again. “Why did he do this to me? He said he loved me.” 

His uncle didn’t want to go into detail yet, but replied, “He was sick, Kili. He’s getting help he needs.”

Dwalin left the two alone to call Fili home.

Kili ran his hand on the carpet again. “You were right about him Thorin. I should have gone to London with you, but I thought I was in love with him.” Tear began to form remembering the day Thorin left. “When he knew you were gone is when…he really started hurting me. Calling me names, scaring off all my friends. Scaring me with his threats to hurt my friends and people I cared about. Then the hitting and rough sex…God he hurt me so much! He made me feel so worthless!” 

The agony began to fade from his voice replaced by vile hatred. “He made me quit playing with my band because he was so jealous! I loved playing with my band! At least I was still able to play guitar at home and in my music class…” Kili looked at his left hand wiggling his fingers a little. “He broke my fingers, didn’t he?”

Thorin sighed as a sympathy tear ran down his cheek. “Kili…I wish I had made you go to London with me. I knew he was trouble. I wish you would’ve told me how abusive he was to you years ago…”

“It’s not your fault. I feared him and I wasn’t strong enough to fight him. He’d tie me up, use me any way he wanted and didn’t care how bad he hurt me as long as he was satisfied. Beating and burning me for trying to leave him…” He rambled on in more detail telling Thorin more than he ever knew and he heart ached for not pushing hard enough to find out the truth to spare Kili of his misery years ago. 

Fili got home from work and ran straight to Kili’s side. The two wrapped arms around each other as Kili finally released a flood of tears and emotions he had been suppressing for so long. “All I remember was Frerin saying this was all your fault and he was going to kill you. I was so scared!”

Fili held him tighter. “I took care of him. Don’t you ever worry about me.” Kili did feel safe in Fili’s strong arms encircling him. 

Once Kili had calmed, they were all able to sit together and assure him Frerin was no longer a threat and he was safe. He did feel safe with Fili after his partner told him how he baited him to the shop and beat the shit out of him. 

“I called the police and they took him to the hospital for the broken bones in his face.” Fili couldn’t help but grin a little over that. “Then they kept him in the psych ward for a while to find out how crazy he really was.”

Thorin added, “I think we all know he had problems. That’s where he is for now. Some day if he’s better, he will be going to jail for a long time, and you do not have to testify on a witness stand, okay? So don’t worry about having to see him in a courtroom.”

Dwalin continued. “He has a very lengthy list of offenses that will keep him in jail for a long time, so once he's in there, don’t you worry about him getting out any time soon either.”

“Am I going to have to go home now?” Fili could feel the nervous sweat beading on Kili’s hand as he held it. “I don’t want to go back there.”

Thorin looked at Fili and nodded before he answered. “I took care of your apartment a long time ago. You don’t really have a home…yet.”

Dwalin commented, “Fili doesn’t have a business to run in Greenwood either, at the moment. I’m having it rebuilt and Dan will be my new manager there. I’ve decided to open another shop here in town for Fili to manage.”

Fili smiled at his gorgeous man. “I knew I was never going home to Greenwood, so I sold my house and bought a new one here in LA…for us.” With his arm already wrapped over Kili’s shoulder, he pulled him toward him to place kiss in his hair. For the first time all afternoon, Kili smiled.

Thorin took a cleansing breath. “Well then! I guess it’s time for me to pack up and go home to my wife. She’s been a gem with patients of steel these past months. I miss her and I know she needs a break from running our business.”

“Uncle…thank you for being here with me. Mae isn’t so bad after all. I’m sorry I was never very nice to her. I judged her wrongly, and I'm sorry for that. I think I was angry she was taking you away from me.”

Thorin nodded and offered, “You’re more than welcome to visit any time, Kee. You are the only family I have left besides Mae. I love you, and I'd do anything for you. Never hesitate to call me if you ever need me for anything. I’m going to miss you.”

Fili's arm gave him a little tug. "You need to call Bofur and the guys. They've been waiting patiently for you to get well so you all can play together again!" Fili was ready to support the band in Los Angeles as he did back home. "They said they were all planning on moving out here anyway because you guys needed to start playing around town and promote your new CD." 

This was good. It was all good. Facing his abusive past with Frerin was what he needed to heal in his own time with a little help from his psychologist. Though he would have relapses and an occasional nightmare, Kili felt like the phoenix rising from the ashes to be reborn again with his past behind him and everyone he knew were all moving forward as well.

The band got back together and began playing around LA. Things were finally going his way and all his dreams were coming true.

The support and love he knew he had from his family and friends made him feel safe and comfortable in this world again. Most importantly now, he and Fili were together and nothing would ever come between them ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading & all the kudos!  
> A special thanks to Finduilas88 & Gaaladrieel for your comments that kept me going! <3


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